graphite

Business card & logo designs.

Business card & logo designs.

Business cards & logos. The black one is actually gold & green metallic ink on a black background.

This from a very old slide. The paper is supposed to be white, of course.

The actual color of this is much brighter but the slide was made looooong before digital cameras existed!

Scratchboard tinted with watercolor (difficult to see from this slide).

Taken from a very old slide of my drawing!

The kids are being hateful to each other this morning as usual. Especially Ian....The one being most hateful, I mean. He definitely woke up on the wrong side of something. Must have been a rock because anybody being that miserable couldn't have actually slept in a real bed last night. I didn't see him take any "monster" pills today......But he's sure acting like he did. Was there a full moon last night? I think it's just "I'm not getting my way, I'm miserable and I'm taking everybody down with me." When he's miserable he's like a category 5 hurricane. Nothing escapes and the whole world holds their breath and hides until it fizzles out.
On a lighter note, Liam found a turtle in the creek and is attempting to keep it and feed it green grapes. Do they eat grapes? He's keeping it in the cooler! The little fish he caught with his hand a couple of days ago died of course..........Only because he wandered around with it in his hands for about 30 minutes before deciding to try to feed it to the cat. Podgie (the cat) just looked at it and went, "Ewwww!"and ran the other way. Apparently fresh fish is not his idea of "Catch of the Day." Actually he won't even eat canned fish. Now fresh pork is a different story. But since he's such a little piggy wouldn't that make him a cannibal?
At least Podgy's not being chased by Mason's new RC Hummer2. He'd never make it. His poor belly would drag the ground and cause a fire from friction on the carpet. I think the batteries have died again anyway. In the RC not the cat. That thing has already used $10 worth of batteries in the last 12 hours. Now Mason's raiding any and every other battery operated object in the house. An "NO," I don't have any toys hidden in my nightstand! Shame on you! And if I did....Shame on you anyway!

Yeah, the "pirate" art hit the paper today. I must say, some of them were really cool. Some quite funny, actually. Now I know how much creativity I was (we were) allowed. Too little too late for me. Fun though.
The biggest question is, "How do I market ME?" I certainly don't have the connections here in Charlotte that I had in central Florida. I figured there would be more juried art shows here than back home...but NO. Suppose I could leave my business card at restaurants and hospitals for starters. Even "giveaway" murals will get my name out there. An even bigger challenge right now is the lack of a place to paint or even think about painting. Hopefully, in September, I will have some studio space of some sort in our new apartment or house.
I actually dread moving back in with my husband. I have a feeling that things will just become exactly what they were before I left the last time. I don't know if I can handle that. He thinks the only reason I was "unhappy" is because I wasn't working. I was a stay-at-home mom homeschooling our children. Boredom and discontent were NOT the problem. An emotionally and physically absent husband was. Alcohol was and still is his mistress. The family was at the bottom of his list because he assumed that we would always be there because we were "His." Along with MY social security number.
All of the credit cards he aquired with my SSN are still unpaid. He has credit but I can't even get my one little Target card limit raised above $200 because of what he did. And the van he bought (think piece of crap on wheels) with my SSN is now in my brother's possession.....with no tag or title (not even from day one). If my brother (name withheld intentionally) gets stopped for drugs or DWI then that van will be traced back to me......The one whose name is not on it but whose SSN is. I can never claim it but I am legally responsible for whatever happens with or in it. Does that make any sense? Not to me. The only way I can have any of this crap changed would be to take my husband to court. I'm still married to him. There has been no legal separation, divorce or mandated child support of any kind. What's a judge gonna do? Laugh?
Why is it that the woman always gets screwed?....Literally and figuatively. Marital rape can rarely be proven so why is it illegal? Of course husbands never remember such things and wives "ask for it" so where is the argument? "I would never do that to you. I love you. I could never do or say those things to you." Right. I left because you "love" me. If that's what you want to believe, I'm happy for you. And drinking and driving with the kids in the car is ok because you always know what your limit is?..........I do believe the limit is "ZERO." "But I know when I've had too many." When? After you wake up in a strange place and can't find your truck? Yeah. I guess that would be the limit.
He should support his kids ( and me for that matter) until they are each 18. I believed being a stay-at-home mom was in the best interest for all of us. And at the time it was. Somebody has to protect the kids. But it backfired for all of us. Well, not for my husband. It's actually working just fine for him. He thinks he has me right where he wants me. And I suppose he does. Because I helped get me there.
How do I support all of us if I can't even get a minimum wage job? Where do I go from here? Do I take advantage of the situation and take an entry level job and work my way back up the ladder? Only to leave my husband again when the money and the leavin' are good? The boys really want to be with their dad but they're too young to really understand what his (our) problem is. My daughter just wants everything her way no matter who pays the price. She's very jealous and possessive. I have no idea where she gets it....No, really. I guess the biggest problem is that I don't want to put everybody back into a sinking boat. A boat made out of tissue paper that everyone can see through except the doomed passengers. And no captain.

Just one more day and my curiousity will be satisfied. About pirates anyway. My grandbaby is busy bouncing behind me in his bouncer so all I hear is "BOING, Boing, boing, BOING, BOING, BOOOOOIIINNNG, BOING, boing!" At least until he's bored. Then it's "Boing, WAAA, Boing, WAAAA!!" But he's such a good baby. Very sweet. I could just eat him up! But I won't today.
I may just spend today doing not much of anything. The library would be good. Guess I'll have to take everybody. They'd be upset if I didn't. I'm so thankful that all of my kids love to read. The material they choose may sometimes be questionable, but they are reading. My grandbaby, "Ton Ton," is only five months old and already has a substantial library started for him. I'd love to work on enlarging my collection too. The arts section anyway.
I'll be glad when the kids go back to school. Not because I don't want them around, but only because they're getting bored. The novelty of the new school year will last about a week and then they'll start counting the days until the first school holiday. Personally, I can't wait to meet the art teacher. I plan on volunteering in her class alot this year. Don't care what grade or whose class. I just want to get in there and share the fun with all those kids.
Maybe I can talk the principal and art teacher into planning a student mural this year. I think they'd love it. Every grade could participate. It could be in a hall or in the cafeteria so the weather won't be a problem. And since it's only paint, it could be painted over if they choose. And they could organize a new one each year. Maybe each grade could submit design and theme proposals and each grade could have their own section. Or they could all be integrated into one big design. Maybe they could learn about mosaics and they could do paper or stamped mosaics in class then work together on one big stamped mosaic mural. It could even be done on a huge sheet of paper and just hung in the hallway. That way they could use water based paint. I'm not sure what their curriculum is this coming year, but it's a thought. Am I thinking too far ahead? I don't think so.

Today I found out that The Charlotte Observer will be revealing winners of their "Draw the Pirate" contest in Sunday's paper. Suppose I didn't win since they haven't called or anything. Sort of disappointed but not really. The instructions said, "Be creative." If I'm supposed to draw the pirate exactly like what I saw, in what ways am I allowed to be creative? Should I have used crayons? Or tissue paper? Or maybe drawn or painted it with dripped wax? I really don't lack creativity. But I do lack boldness, I suppose. I didn't "step outside the box." Just how big or small is that box? Anyway, I'll find out just how creative others got on Sunday. I'm very curious to say the least.
I had dreams last night about dressing store windows in the South Park Mall. And about getting noticed by the visual merchandising elite (if there be such things). Am I getting desperate? Certainly sounds like it. If I were 20 years old that would be a cool dream. Actually, I think I was around 20 in the dream. What.........e.......ver!
I'm jonesing for Diet Coke. That's now a no-no for me. Along with salt, sugar, processed carbs, and anything else edible on this planet. Guess I'll just eat air for the next 6 weeks. The Michael Thurmond's 6 Week Body Makeover program should be coming soon.........if they didn't screw up the order. Nothing is showing up on my online bank account anymore. Before, it showed that I had ordered TWO programs....NOT! Now that my account was "reimbursed" it shows that I ordered nothing. If I get it in the mail are they charging me for it? One would think. Are they gonna surprise me in two months and deduct it from my account without notice? Hope not. Would another phone call fix it this time? Maybe. But I really want to get started on that program! The one called "Real Life......Live it or Die."

musings of fatness

I went to see my nutritionist today and looks like I gained about half of a pound. Imagine that! Maybe it's because I'm not working. Who knows. But I ordered Michael Thurmond's 6 week body makeover. We'll see what all that involves. Anything is better than what I'm doing now.....which is ......nothing. Should I put my family responsibilities aside and look harder for work? Set up conferences with those in the know? If I can't seperate family time with work now then what makes me think I can do it if I actually get a real paying job? Discipline! Or the lack thereof..........That's it in one single, solitary BIG FAT word!
Should I try the lottery? Or is that me trying to take control away from God and leaving it to fate? It's time to start living and not just existing..........My self confidence is on hiatus. Who's a good motivator? I need a cheerleader or two (or fifty) to follow me around. The next $100 I get (that I can invest in myself) goes straight to art supplies. Paper in particular. I know of a wonderful art store.........Binders..........I could spend hours in there and the store is barely 400 square feet total. The bookstore is a great hideaway too. But then I'm not supposed to be hiding am I?
I suppose hiding is in my nature. After years of physical, verbal and sexual abuse as a kid, that's kind of all I ever wanted to do............Hide. Whatever it took to not be noticed.......hoping to just disappear and be forgotten so nobody would ever know. Especially since no one believed me anyway. Growing up and seeking out the kind of men I always hated doesn't help. It's ironic that those are the men I notice first. Sort of like self punishment........believing you're not worthy of anything better because you were used like a dirty rag and can never truly be clean again. Or so you believe. But God is wonderful and sent His Son to clean even the dirtiest of souls. All you have to do is ask. I did.

O.k. Now I'm getting discouraged. Somebody tell me what it is that I'm doing wrong in regard to finding a new job. What do I have to do? Who should I ask for help? This is the first time in my life I've had any difficulty whatsoever finding a job! I can't even get minimum wage jobs because I'm "over qualified" thank God. And the jobs I want I'm "under qualified" for or else they're full-time in-house only. Do I need to go to the unemployment office? I don't think I'm too good for that or anything. It's just that I don't think I could get anything over an entry level position that way. But then I don't know 'cause I've never tried. And I reeeeaaaly don't want anything in administration ever again. Just not my thing. I'm not really a begger so I can be a chooser, right? HEEEEEELP!

Just another day

Still have no replies regarding my resumes or applications. Good sign or bad sign? I need to be more aggressive I suppose. Maybe I don't have enough current experience being that I really haven't worked very much in the last 7 years. Guess homeschooling does't count! What to do? CPCC classes? Who pays? Who has the time? Maybe a few weekend classes would do the trick. What types of illustration jobs are out there that would allow me to work from home? Jobs that would pay enough yet not require so many hours that my children would have to spend every weekday in after school care. That in itself would cost over $150.00 a week. Decisions, decisions. But first things first. I'm off to the dentist. Hoo-rah.........

Day two

Hey! Another chance to write a bit! Blogs are very different than I expected. I thought they were just simple teen journaling sites. Boy was I wrong. If you want to read some funny stuff (It's funny if you're a parent!) then log on to www.mamalogues.com . She's a real riot. Wow, I sound like an old fogey!
Still waiting for the Charlotte Observer to call me back.....And the Carmel Country Club. I'm not really sure how to get back into the freelance business. Things seemed so much easier 20 years ago. Guess there are just too many enthusiastic art school grads out there for me to compete with. Visual merchandising would be fun again. Suppose I'll just have to take a few days, portfolio in hand, and hit the street. I have lots of excuses for not having done it already. Like "I need to be home to watch my grandbaby," "I need to be home because there is no one to watch my own kids," "I don't have enough experience," "My portfolio is too out of date," "My skills are out of date," "I don't have the energy I used to," "What if I can't meet a deadline?" and on and on and on!
I do have business cards now. Do I fear success? Maybe so. I fear taking on so much job responsibility that my responsibilities to my family will get put at the bottom of the list. I did that when my oldest was little and I was a single parent. I feel guilty still. And she now has a child of her own. I have to learn to be a risk taker without being a guilt keeper. I believe that's hard for a lot of mothers.
I had a part-time job (until this week) at a company called Shirestone, as the owner's personal assistant (think Girl Friday). I actually applied for the position she advertised last year which was "colorist." That meant being a faux finisher for the hand-poured countertops they fabricate. They are beautiful, by the way. My position quickly evolved into Administrative Something-or-other." The company was very new and she definitely needed an assistant of some sort. Unless I moved into a sales position, my salary would never change. It's not possible for me to work full-time so things just didn't work out for either of us. I'm sure when the company grows and they hire more employees things will be better for her. I wish her well but that apparently just wasn't and couldn't be me. Yes, she was very kind and personable and definitely a "type A" personality! And very good at being just that. I think I'm "type Z!"
O.k. I vented a little. But isn't that what blogs are for? My boys found a robin's nest that fell out of a tree during the storm and I'm still waiting for the folks from the wildlife conservation /bird rehab place to call back to except these poor little babies that are still in the nest. The boys said there were three babies yesterday, but when they went today to see if the mama bird came back, one of the babies was gone. :( Mason looked for it but still couldn't find it. I don't know how the mama would get them and the nest back into the tree anyway. But the "Bird Lady" will hand raise them then help them to get back into the wild when they are old enough.

Hey! The Bird Lady called. We took the little robins to the bird shelter. Now everyone is happy.........Sort of. I went to Red Rocks Bar & Grill to fill out an application for day bartender. I have to wait until tomorrow to hear from the hiring manager. We'll see what happens. I really don't want to have to go back into the bar business since I seperated from the kids' father because he still drinks too much. That kinda shows that mom has double standards. Not a good thing.

I've done a few elevation drawings, but not many!

24''x36" Soft & hard pastels.

This is just one example of the collage work I enjoy creating.

This is one that I did my first year at Savannah College of Art & Design. I wish I had stayed in Savannah much longer than I did. It was and still is an inspiring city.

This is something I did in 11th grade. It's still part of my portfolio....not just because I like it ......but it's still one of my favorites.

Day One

I'm learning..... slowly........how to do this so bear with me until I figure this out! More pictures to come soon. I still have to figure out my digital camera.....And get some slides put on disk.