Moving now! Finally.............But what a pain. It's not easy to pack boxes and move over a week's time when all the kids keep needing things from the packed boxes....Thus the need to REpack all the boxes.....again. Keeping up with an 8 month old during the process does not make things any easier. And the more I pack the more I want to throw away.....
We will have more room, though. The townhouse has 4 bedrooms and 2 and 1/2 bathrooms. No room for the trampoline.....The kids will have serious trampoline withdrawal. They're on it everyday rain or shine. Our backyard is now a stream with five gazillion geese. We'll get used to it....right about the time we're ready to move again.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Again, it's been a while.........Things are getting so busy.....But that's a good thing. Still looking for a place to live. I guess 4/5 bedroom, 2 bath houses aren't that easy to find in Charlotte if you're on a budget. It'd be easier if I new my income would be steady. Maybe by Christmas I'll be fully booked. The only problem is that I'll have to paint inbetween watching Anton and playing cab driver.
Tony reeaaaaaly doesn't like the idea of Annalisa not working. But how can she go to school full time, work full time and take care of a baby? Tony thinks I should take care of Anton and make her work. For what? Minimum wage? Her thirty to forty hours a week won't bring in $100 after taxes. I can make at least ten times that once my marketing takes hold. His thought is to make her support herself so she'll leave. Yes, I know that is of the utmost importance for a teenager, but right now that's just setting us up for failure. And, yes, I said US. It's just ammunition for the next big family argument. Tony feels like I'm making him to be financially responsible for all of us............Hello?! He is the husband and father!....Not the baby's. But he is the grandfather. Anton's father is just a kid ; a truly pitiful little boy that needs a mommy that cares about him. Child support of any kind will never come from his family. But let's not get into that right now.
To change the subject, mom is now in Memphis because her Aunt Martha is dying. Martha has been frail for quite some time but the family there believes she won't make it till the end of next week. It's sad to just sit and wait for someone to die so you can quickly fulfill your obligations and leave. Martha only remembers me as a kid. I saw her a few years back but I don't think she really remembers........Too many deaths in this family. I hate funerals.
Tony reeaaaaaly doesn't like the idea of Annalisa not working. But how can she go to school full time, work full time and take care of a baby? Tony thinks I should take care of Anton and make her work. For what? Minimum wage? Her thirty to forty hours a week won't bring in $100 after taxes. I can make at least ten times that once my marketing takes hold. His thought is to make her support herself so she'll leave. Yes, I know that is of the utmost importance for a teenager, but right now that's just setting us up for failure. And, yes, I said US. It's just ammunition for the next big family argument. Tony feels like I'm making him to be financially responsible for all of us............Hello?! He is the husband and father!....Not the baby's. But he is the grandfather. Anton's father is just a kid ; a truly pitiful little boy that needs a mommy that cares about him. Child support of any kind will never come from his family. But let's not get into that right now.
To change the subject, mom is now in Memphis because her Aunt Martha is dying. Martha has been frail for quite some time but the family there believes she won't make it till the end of next week. It's sad to just sit and wait for someone to die so you can quickly fulfill your obligations and leave. Martha only remembers me as a kid. I saw her a few years back but I don't think she really remembers........Too many deaths in this family. I hate funerals.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Long Time No Type
It's been a long while since I've even thought about this blog. Been busy. And mom hasn't felt well.......This computer is in her room so when things are rough I don't have access.
Anyway, hopefully, we'll be moving soon. Mom wants me to take over this house but I don't really want a house that's not big enough for my family. We are a family of seven and this house is only a three bedroom. That's just not working.
My father-in-law is here right now visiting from Tennessee. Haven't seen him in at least eight months. It's the first time he's seen the grandbaby (his great-grandbaby). I need to spend time with him but I'm missing another art show! I know that's really selfish of me but I miss the art scene terribly. I haven't been in a show in over 20 years. I haven't drawn for pleasure in almost as long. It feels like I've put my soul in a box and left it in the back of a forgotten closet for the past 25 years. I need to put the color back into my life. Every day looks just like the one before. I'm craving paint! Yes, that may sound weird but it's just how I feel. I can almost taste it! Gotta go!................The grandbaby's crying.
Anyway, hopefully, we'll be moving soon. Mom wants me to take over this house but I don't really want a house that's not big enough for my family. We are a family of seven and this house is only a three bedroom. That's just not working.
My father-in-law is here right now visiting from Tennessee. Haven't seen him in at least eight months. It's the first time he's seen the grandbaby (his great-grandbaby). I need to spend time with him but I'm missing another art show! I know that's really selfish of me but I miss the art scene terribly. I haven't been in a show in over 20 years. I haven't drawn for pleasure in almost as long. It feels like I've put my soul in a box and left it in the back of a forgotten closet for the past 25 years. I need to put the color back into my life. Every day looks just like the one before. I'm craving paint! Yes, that may sound weird but it's just how I feel. I can almost taste it! Gotta go!................The grandbaby's crying.
Friday, September 08, 2006
HEY, hey, hey! I got a response from my ad already!...To paint a mural (roses & ribbons) in a little girl's room in Gastonia. I can't wait! I've painted murals before, but never through my own advertisement....which makes me do a little happy dance! But don't watch. With my schedule full of running the kids here & there all day everyday I'll have to eliminate a few things so I can make a little money! But it's soooo cool! Just had to get that out.........
Still looking for a house (or apartment) before October. There are a few options but none seem big enough for the money they're asking. At least the apartment could be a five bedroom if we modify the den a little. I really want (demand) a place to call my "studio." I've done without a space for my personal pleasure ever since I started having kids. That's way too long. Time to find ME again.
Still looking for a house (or apartment) before October. There are a few options but none seem big enough for the money they're asking. At least the apartment could be a five bedroom if we modify the den a little. I really want (demand) a place to call my "studio." I've done without a space for my personal pleasure ever since I started having kids. That's way too long. Time to find ME again.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
This computer is being sooooo sloooow today! But then so am I. Hey, at least I went for a walk this morning......since I haven't walked at all in the last eight days! I have an excuse though.....I've been sick so my energy was waaay down and it took a while to feel "right " again. Yeah, right. Whatever. Anyway....................The boys are back in school and already hate getting up in the morning.....at least Mason, anyway. I wish I could go back to school.
My ad is in Skirt! magazine this month and I'm expecting a lot of business now so I wouldn't be able to find time to go to school if I wanted to. Ok...so maybe I'm not fully awake this morning. But it would be nice to get some business from this very small ad in the back of the magazine. It's all I could afford so don't laugh! I gotta start somewhere! Annalisa will be registering for classes on Thursday. I don't have any idea what times she'll pick or even what's available. I just hope she leaves me some time to paint should I even get a mural job. After all, I can't paint a mural in someone elses home and watch her son at the same time. He's a sweetie but he ain't that sweet!
I love little Anton but I just wish Annalisa would have waited much longer to do the things she did. Her life would have certainly been much easier. And, YES, mine too....... She's still way too dependant on her own mommy. So is her "squishy little monkey of a baby." He's definitely a momma's boy. And she better not have any more children before her 30th birthday or I'll tie her tubes together myself!
I can't wait until we move. Not that I'm real excited about the possibility of repeating the last "daily-hubby-get-drunk-wife-get-mad" homelife scenario. But we all just need the breathing room. And Ian really needs some space (however small) of his own. But then don't we all! .....I want my own studio! At least a pretend one.......please.
My ad is in Skirt! magazine this month and I'm expecting a lot of business now so I wouldn't be able to find time to go to school if I wanted to. Ok...so maybe I'm not fully awake this morning. But it would be nice to get some business from this very small ad in the back of the magazine. It's all I could afford so don't laugh! I gotta start somewhere! Annalisa will be registering for classes on Thursday. I don't have any idea what times she'll pick or even what's available. I just hope she leaves me some time to paint should I even get a mural job. After all, I can't paint a mural in someone elses home and watch her son at the same time. He's a sweetie but he ain't that sweet!
I love little Anton but I just wish Annalisa would have waited much longer to do the things she did. Her life would have certainly been much easier. And, YES, mine too....... She's still way too dependant on her own mommy. So is her "squishy little monkey of a baby." He's definitely a momma's boy. And she better not have any more children before her 30th birthday or I'll tie her tubes together myself!
I can't wait until we move. Not that I'm real excited about the possibility of repeating the last "daily-hubby-get-drunk-wife-get-mad" homelife scenario. But we all just need the breathing room. And Ian really needs some space (however small) of his own. But then don't we all! .....I want my own studio! At least a pretend one.......please.
Friday, August 25, 2006
How is it that every single one of your kids, no matter how many you have, always seem to come from completely different corners of the universe? Exactly how many corners can there be? I'd swear my youngest is some secret seed from some far flung alien planet.
The all have strong personalities, but Mason can be a monster (of the alien variety) at times. He's also the one I have the most difficulty with figuring out how to discipline. Nothing seems to work. And spankings? He'll laugh in your face. And taking away his favorite things is impossible because his favorite things aren't "things." Positive reinforcement will sometimes work depending on his mood. Maybe velcroing him to the wall until I figure something out will give me some extra time to figure this puzzle out. Where's the Mensa Club when I need it?
The all have strong personalities, but Mason can be a monster (of the alien variety) at times. He's also the one I have the most difficulty with figuring out how to discipline. Nothing seems to work. And spankings? He'll laugh in your face. And taking away his favorite things is impossible because his favorite things aren't "things." Positive reinforcement will sometimes work depending on his mood. Maybe velcroing him to the wall until I figure something out will give me some extra time to figure this puzzle out. Where's the Mensa Club when I need it?
Monday, August 21, 2006
I can't believe there are even more people asking for help buying school things! Well, actually I can........It's hard for single moms with several kids to cover those ever growing supply lists every August.
Tomorrow I am to meet with "Nathen", a 12th grader, to give him and his brothers the supplies I bought for them.......And they live in Columbus!....An hour and a half away! He says his mother is handicapped and they don't have a dad or anyone else that can help them. That's so sad....What will they do next year? And the year after that? Will Nathen have to get a job to support everyone? How could he possibly do that with just a high school education? Hopefully they get some government assistance of some sort. But if one of the boys gets a job the asistance will end. Just one more example of the government trying to keep the people totally dependent on it. What a shame.
Those that try to dig out of poverty by earning a meager living get punished by having all their benefits removed even when receiving only minimum wages. The government has always stated that one of their biggest goals is to end poverty. The only way to end poverty would be to raise the minimum wage above the current poverty level.....And that will NEVER happen.
Tomorrow I am to meet with "Nathen", a 12th grader, to give him and his brothers the supplies I bought for them.......And they live in Columbus!....An hour and a half away! He says his mother is handicapped and they don't have a dad or anyone else that can help them. That's so sad....What will they do next year? And the year after that? Will Nathen have to get a job to support everyone? How could he possibly do that with just a high school education? Hopefully they get some government assistance of some sort. But if one of the boys gets a job the asistance will end. Just one more example of the government trying to keep the people totally dependent on it. What a shame.
Those that try to dig out of poverty by earning a meager living get punished by having all their benefits removed even when receiving only minimum wages. The government has always stated that one of their biggest goals is to end poverty. The only way to end poverty would be to raise the minimum wage above the current poverty level.....And that will NEVER happen.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Long time no type!
Yay! Mom finally came home. I'm glad she's well and safe. But she did need to get away for awhile. And she's really worried about Karen and Mamaw. Especially since Mamaw is showing distinct signs of progressed Alzheimer's. It's hard to think of her as getting old. She's always been so full of life.
I can't do as much blogging now that mom's home since the computer is in her room. But it won't be long before we'll have a house of our own.....And a couple of computers to use. Ours just need to be fixed. Guess I shouldn't be spending that much time on a computer anyway since I need to be working.....painting murals and working on the book manuscript for illustration. A few murals in some key spots should be all the advertising I really need....SHOULD be!
I checked the Freecycle posts in my email today and am just blown away at the number of people desperate for school supplies and school clothes. I know supplies cost a lot of money because I have to buy them for four of my kids. But I also already bought them for three different Freecycle families. That's school supplies for eleven kids total.......And today there are more families pleading for help. I wish I could buy for all of them but I can't. At least not unless, by some miracle, I get asked to paint a mural AND get prepaid for it today! It's sad that so many people have to resort to that but I'm also thankful that www.Freecycle.org exists. Because if it didn't there would be many people doing without this school year.
Speaking of Freecycle, one member, Vashekia (yeah, I know- Very different), asked for disposable diapers and wipees for her new baby since she is a single, unemployed mother. She doesn't care if the packages were aleady opened or not. She's just desperate for help. I have a few things we can give her but not any clothing because we already gave away anything Anton grew out of. I hope she got more responses than just mine. And I hope other people help those in need of school supplies. After all, there are 5,434 Freecycle members listed in the Charlotte metropolitan area. They can't all be heartless.
Oh yeah, I lost 7 pounds as of today. Hello?!!!! Happy dance!.........
I can't do as much blogging now that mom's home since the computer is in her room. But it won't be long before we'll have a house of our own.....And a couple of computers to use. Ours just need to be fixed. Guess I shouldn't be spending that much time on a computer anyway since I need to be working.....painting murals and working on the book manuscript for illustration. A few murals in some key spots should be all the advertising I really need....SHOULD be!
I checked the Freecycle posts in my email today and am just blown away at the number of people desperate for school supplies and school clothes. I know supplies cost a lot of money because I have to buy them for four of my kids. But I also already bought them for three different Freecycle families. That's school supplies for eleven kids total.......And today there are more families pleading for help. I wish I could buy for all of them but I can't. At least not unless, by some miracle, I get asked to paint a mural AND get prepaid for it today! It's sad that so many people have to resort to that but I'm also thankful that www.Freecycle.org exists. Because if it didn't there would be many people doing without this school year.
Speaking of Freecycle, one member, Vashekia (yeah, I know- Very different), asked for disposable diapers and wipees for her new baby since she is a single, unemployed mother. She doesn't care if the packages were aleady opened or not. She's just desperate for help. I have a few things we can give her but not any clothing because we already gave away anything Anton grew out of. I hope she got more responses than just mine. And I hope other people help those in need of school supplies. After all, there are 5,434 Freecycle members listed in the Charlotte metropolitan area. They can't all be heartless.
Oh yeah, I lost 7 pounds as of today. Hello?!!!! Happy dance!.........
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Pasta is a BIG NO-NO on this diet.....especially with meat sauce! And that's just exactly what I had for dinner. Not a whole lot of it mind you, but enough. I feel just a twinge of guilt. But one "bad" meal won't hurt. Besides, it will keep me from binging when I can't stand another day without carbs (the baaaaaaaaad kind!). But I'm actually doing quite well......I've lost 5 pounds since Tuesday...Not too bad. I think that's the most progress I've made on any "diet" in the last 8 years. I may just be able to buy a new wardrobe for Easter!
Saturday, August 12, 2006
The diet hasn't been that bad. I haven't even done the exercise part of it and I've already lost 3 pounds. Not too bad. My cravings have been tolerable. I think I have more cravings when I'm NOT paying attention to what I'm eating. Twice I've had a banana with crunchy peanut butter and that seems to have satisfied my need for something sweet. Oh, and the red grapefruits work for that too.
This morning I had egg whites scrambled with sauted zuchini and mushrooms and some steamed greenbeans. Before I was halfway finished I was getting full but the program says to EAT so that's what I'm doing. In fact, it seems like that's all I do is eat yet I've lost weight. I can deal with that.
My exercise band "anchors" that were left out of the shipment came yesterday but I have yet to try them out. I don't really have a place in this house to do that. Especially since it has to be "anchored" in the doorframe of a closed door. That would mean me exercising in the tiny hallway since I don't officially have a room per say. The formal livingroom has no doors, just curtains in the arches. But we're moving in a few weeks and the kids will be in school during the day so I'll be able to hit it hard then.
I had intentions of going for a walk this morning but woke to rain. DARN! I don't see a treadmill in my immediate future so I'll just have to get over the weather.
NEWS FLASH!!...... Right now my daughter's being a demanding, bossy witch with a capital "B!" Her son woke up from his millisecond nap (while she was locked in her room with the stereo blasting) and it must be everybody else's fault. "WHO'S HERE?!" ..." "WELL, I NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE I'M STILL IN MY NIGHT CLOTHES!"......"WHY DID THEY WAKE HIM UP?!"....."They" being anyone else in the house sucking up the oxygen....And her brothers exist, therefore she hates them and they are spawns from hell sent to torture her for all eternity. And those "spawns from hell" just happen to have a few "spawn" friends over, therefore the entire world is conspiring against her. Must be sad to live in her world......But then I wouldn't really know because I'm only invited in when she needs (ie. demands) something. And only until the need has been filled. After that it's "Ok. you can leave now. Thank you. Bye bye......."
Either that or she's shreiking at me because I didn't anticipate her needs and fill them before she HAD TO ASK! And God forbid I go somewhere and not take her.......Or at the very least ask if she'd like to go. She's happy I have a cell phone because now she can keep track of me. And if I don't come running when she notifies me of some "cool" movie /commercial / show coming on, she's totally insulted.
It was actually pleasant around here when she was still in Florida. But she did call every single night and expect me to have hour long conversations with her. What am I supposed to talk about for an hour every day! After a while ya kinda run out of things to say. At least I do. "No, nothing new happened today." "Nope, not today either. Same ole, same ole....Get up, breathe, eat, worry about where the money's gonna come from, breathe and eat a little more, feed the kids, clean, do laundry, breathe again, talk on the phone to you, listen to you sigh for an hour because you can't be here dictating my day, read stories to your brothers, sigh to myself, go to bed. Next day, wake up do it all over again. " Nothing new to get excited about each and every night. She got perturbed if I couldn't get excited about listening to her sigh and complain every single night. Hey, it was her choice to stay there. She knew I planned to take the boys and come to Charlotte. She was quite adament about staying near her friends and boyfriend so she did. I didn't force her. I insisted that she come with us but she refused. Her choice. So we were all punished for it. Including her boyfriend.
I think maybe he suffered the most.....what with the daily vomiting of obscenities and spewing of fire from her furnace of eternal hatred. I have no clue where all of that comes from. She has never ever had to experience that kind of thing in our home. Any kind of abuse was inflicted by her, not upon her. And, yes, she's been to many psychologists and psychiatrists. "It's just anxiety." Whose? Her's or mine? Yeah, she is obsessively jealous of me but exactly why I have never figured out. When she was three years old she started yelling "I hate you!" out of nowhere......several times a day. It didn't really stop until she was 16. There's always been this "love/hate" thing from her. "I hate you! Don't leave me!"
I know in my heart that when she was about two and a half, the babysitter's husband had to have molested her. I couldn't prove it...or at least I didn't believe I could at the time...But I KNOW he did it. She came home that last day with red handprint that covered half her back. "Oh, one of the other kids must have done when they were playing........." I don't think so. "He finally admitted to hitting her because she "sassed him." That handprint was visible for 2 days. He had to have hit her hard enough to knock her across the room. I wanted to beat his head in with a baseball bat! I know I should have gone to the police right then and there....But I didn't. I don't know why I didn't.....Maybe it was shock, or fear that the investigators wouldn't do anything anyway. Or they would question why I hadn't had the sitters investigated before I allowed my child over there.
I worked a night shift and 20 years ago it was almost impossible to find night sitters. They were usually only found through word of mouth. And I didn't know where I was gonna find another on short notice. No, she never went to that particular sitter ever again but the next sitter was from hell too. There must be some huge hellfire babysitters club somewhere I'm not aware of because we happened upon many such lifetime hell club members. That was the biggest reason I decided to be a stay-at-home mom when I finally married and gave birth to my first son. I couldn't stand the idea of having to put any child through that again, especially my daughter. It's also the reason why I want to work from home now so I can make sure my grandbaby doesn't have to make daily visits to sitter hell.
This morning I had egg whites scrambled with sauted zuchini and mushrooms and some steamed greenbeans. Before I was halfway finished I was getting full but the program says to EAT so that's what I'm doing. In fact, it seems like that's all I do is eat yet I've lost weight. I can deal with that.
My exercise band "anchors" that were left out of the shipment came yesterday but I have yet to try them out. I don't really have a place in this house to do that. Especially since it has to be "anchored" in the doorframe of a closed door. That would mean me exercising in the tiny hallway since I don't officially have a room per say. The formal livingroom has no doors, just curtains in the arches. But we're moving in a few weeks and the kids will be in school during the day so I'll be able to hit it hard then.
I had intentions of going for a walk this morning but woke to rain. DARN! I don't see a treadmill in my immediate future so I'll just have to get over the weather.
NEWS FLASH!!...... Right now my daughter's being a demanding, bossy witch with a capital "B!" Her son woke up from his millisecond nap (while she was locked in her room with the stereo blasting) and it must be everybody else's fault. "WHO'S HERE?!" ..." "WELL, I NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE I'M STILL IN MY NIGHT CLOTHES!"......"WHY DID THEY WAKE HIM UP?!"....."They" being anyone else in the house sucking up the oxygen....And her brothers exist, therefore she hates them and they are spawns from hell sent to torture her for all eternity. And those "spawns from hell" just happen to have a few "spawn" friends over, therefore the entire world is conspiring against her. Must be sad to live in her world......But then I wouldn't really know because I'm only invited in when she needs (ie. demands) something. And only until the need has been filled. After that it's "Ok. you can leave now. Thank you. Bye bye......."
Either that or she's shreiking at me because I didn't anticipate her needs and fill them before she HAD TO ASK! And God forbid I go somewhere and not take her.......Or at the very least ask if she'd like to go. She's happy I have a cell phone because now she can keep track of me. And if I don't come running when she notifies me of some "cool" movie /commercial / show coming on, she's totally insulted.
It was actually pleasant around here when she was still in Florida. But she did call every single night and expect me to have hour long conversations with her. What am I supposed to talk about for an hour every day! After a while ya kinda run out of things to say. At least I do. "No, nothing new happened today." "Nope, not today either. Same ole, same ole....Get up, breathe, eat, worry about where the money's gonna come from, breathe and eat a little more, feed the kids, clean, do laundry, breathe again, talk on the phone to you, listen to you sigh for an hour because you can't be here dictating my day, read stories to your brothers, sigh to myself, go to bed. Next day, wake up do it all over again. " Nothing new to get excited about each and every night. She got perturbed if I couldn't get excited about listening to her sigh and complain every single night. Hey, it was her choice to stay there. She knew I planned to take the boys and come to Charlotte. She was quite adament about staying near her friends and boyfriend so she did. I didn't force her. I insisted that she come with us but she refused. Her choice. So we were all punished for it. Including her boyfriend.
I think maybe he suffered the most.....what with the daily vomiting of obscenities and spewing of fire from her furnace of eternal hatred. I have no clue where all of that comes from. She has never ever had to experience that kind of thing in our home. Any kind of abuse was inflicted by her, not upon her. And, yes, she's been to many psychologists and psychiatrists. "It's just anxiety." Whose? Her's or mine? Yeah, she is obsessively jealous of me but exactly why I have never figured out. When she was three years old she started yelling "I hate you!" out of nowhere......several times a day. It didn't really stop until she was 16. There's always been this "love/hate" thing from her. "I hate you! Don't leave me!"
I know in my heart that when she was about two and a half, the babysitter's husband had to have molested her. I couldn't prove it...or at least I didn't believe I could at the time...But I KNOW he did it. She came home that last day with red handprint that covered half her back. "Oh, one of the other kids must have done when they were playing........." I don't think so. "He finally admitted to hitting her because she "sassed him." That handprint was visible for 2 days. He had to have hit her hard enough to knock her across the room. I wanted to beat his head in with a baseball bat! I know I should have gone to the police right then and there....But I didn't. I don't know why I didn't.....Maybe it was shock, or fear that the investigators wouldn't do anything anyway. Or they would question why I hadn't had the sitters investigated before I allowed my child over there.
I worked a night shift and 20 years ago it was almost impossible to find night sitters. They were usually only found through word of mouth. And I didn't know where I was gonna find another on short notice. No, she never went to that particular sitter ever again but the next sitter was from hell too. There must be some huge hellfire babysitters club somewhere I'm not aware of because we happened upon many such lifetime hell club members. That was the biggest reason I decided to be a stay-at-home mom when I finally married and gave birth to my first son. I couldn't stand the idea of having to put any child through that again, especially my daughter. It's also the reason why I want to work from home now so I can make sure my grandbaby doesn't have to make daily visits to sitter hell.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Ok, so I started the 6 Week Body Makeover diet yesterday morning and had fresh flounder and asparagus for 3 meals plus grapefruit for snacks. Boring, yes, but somehow satisfying. This morning it was 3 eggwhites with spinach and mushrooms. Not too bad. No salt, just pepper. And NO CHEESE! Man, I miss pizza! I long to hear "Mangia! Mangia!" So say the nice and plump (and happy!) Italian women. I'm at least part Sicilian. Dad was half Sicilian. My Italian parts are "butt and thighs."
The flounder was better than I thought and I didn't crumble under pressure to eat the good stuff. Although the seasoning I used gave me some really rank breath....So says my daughter. Maybe it was the "fat burning" that gave me rank breath! Maybe............But I'd take a little dragon breath over the extra weight any day. At least for a while.
I'm still waiting on the "body band anchor" to arrive in the mail. I can't use the exercise stuff without it. I could go walking instead. I should go walking. But it's sooo hot outside! A treadmill would be nice. If we get the apartment that I want there will be a gym I can use while the kids are in school. That will be really cool. But then it will only work if I use it.
What I'd like to do is apply at the kid's school as an assistant. Part-time anyway. I may not bother until I find out how the mural business is going to take off. Fast I hope. I'll have a business ad in a local mag in September. If that doesn't drum up enough business, then I'll go ahead and apply at the school as an assistant.
My daughter might not be too happy about that but that's just too bad. She'll be home all by herself with her baby during the day. She'll go to school at night but that "doesn't count." Her biggest concern is that she won't know exactly what I'm doing and where I'm doing it. Whatever "it" is...........I think she'd crawl back up inside if she could.
The flounder was better than I thought and I didn't crumble under pressure to eat the good stuff. Although the seasoning I used gave me some really rank breath....So says my daughter. Maybe it was the "fat burning" that gave me rank breath! Maybe............But I'd take a little dragon breath over the extra weight any day. At least for a while.
I'm still waiting on the "body band anchor" to arrive in the mail. I can't use the exercise stuff without it. I could go walking instead. I should go walking. But it's sooo hot outside! A treadmill would be nice. If we get the apartment that I want there will be a gym I can use while the kids are in school. That will be really cool. But then it will only work if I use it.
What I'd like to do is apply at the kid's school as an assistant. Part-time anyway. I may not bother until I find out how the mural business is going to take off. Fast I hope. I'll have a business ad in a local mag in September. If that doesn't drum up enough business, then I'll go ahead and apply at the school as an assistant.
My daughter might not be too happy about that but that's just too bad. She'll be home all by herself with her baby during the day. She'll go to school at night but that "doesn't count." Her biggest concern is that she won't know exactly what I'm doing and where I'm doing it. Whatever "it" is...........I think she'd crawl back up inside if she could.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Mom's still not back.......She said she would be back Sunday night or Monday......Today is Tuesday. Should I be worried? She hates to be tracked down and checked up on. But then it's a really long drive from Memphis to Charlotte....Especially when you're driving alone.
Maybe one of Karen's blood or bone tests came back with some new answers. Or maybe Karen just doesn't want to be alone again. I'm sure she's worried about the fact that the house has to be sold and she has no money because she can't work. And last year she was way too close to death. Then suddenly she woke up and felt a lot better, out of nowhere. Well not exactly. She gave up trying and told God "I surrender. I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired. Take me now because now I'm ready." She laid down in her bed that night fully prepared to leave this world but woke up the next morning totally refreshed. She had energy to spare. She still looks worse than anorexic but she actually feels ok.
Her daughter being queen of the bridezillas certainly didn't help any. I'm ashamed to say that's my cousin. She was sooo hateful to her mother. Just downright cruel actually. She actually was waiting for her to die so she could have the wedding without her. Too bad. Mom got to be there anyway. Karen wasn't "allowed" to be in the bridal dressing room though. Brandie gave her mom a "job" to busy her so she wouldn't be in the dressing room. The new mother-in-law to be was supposed to be in there with her. The mother Brandie "always dreamed of." Whatever. She now had the "family she always wanted" and the rest of us were "never to contact her again." After the wedding was over anyway. She wanted everybody to show up for the wedding so everyone would know "how loved she was." Needless to say, I didn't even bother going.....and didn't send a card or gift either. "Loved" my butt!
The girl had four, count 'em, FOUR bridal showers! She's 34 and already has everything she could possibly need for a home since she already owns one of those too. The lovely couple will be living in HER house with HER things. The in-laws are wealthy and quite well known in the community but the new husband doesn't like to work much. They already arranged who will be wearing the pants before they even said "I do."
New hubby and brother-in-law own an investment firm but the brother-in-law does most of the work. Brandie works all the time because she enjoys it. Maybe she enjoys a man lying on her couch all day doing nothing. I wouldn't know. Not sure if I really even want to know. Guess it's easier for her to keep control that way. But when the cat's away the mice will play. But she has a new mommy to run and cry to when that happens............And it will.
Maybe one of Karen's blood or bone tests came back with some new answers. Or maybe Karen just doesn't want to be alone again. I'm sure she's worried about the fact that the house has to be sold and she has no money because she can't work. And last year she was way too close to death. Then suddenly she woke up and felt a lot better, out of nowhere. Well not exactly. She gave up trying and told God "I surrender. I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired. Take me now because now I'm ready." She laid down in her bed that night fully prepared to leave this world but woke up the next morning totally refreshed. She had energy to spare. She still looks worse than anorexic but she actually feels ok.
Her daughter being queen of the bridezillas certainly didn't help any. I'm ashamed to say that's my cousin. She was sooo hateful to her mother. Just downright cruel actually. She actually was waiting for her to die so she could have the wedding without her. Too bad. Mom got to be there anyway. Karen wasn't "allowed" to be in the bridal dressing room though. Brandie gave her mom a "job" to busy her so she wouldn't be in the dressing room. The new mother-in-law to be was supposed to be in there with her. The mother Brandie "always dreamed of." Whatever. She now had the "family she always wanted" and the rest of us were "never to contact her again." After the wedding was over anyway. She wanted everybody to show up for the wedding so everyone would know "how loved she was." Needless to say, I didn't even bother going.....and didn't send a card or gift either. "Loved" my butt!
The girl had four, count 'em, FOUR bridal showers! She's 34 and already has everything she could possibly need for a home since she already owns one of those too. The lovely couple will be living in HER house with HER things. The in-laws are wealthy and quite well known in the community but the new husband doesn't like to work much. They already arranged who will be wearing the pants before they even said "I do."
New hubby and brother-in-law own an investment firm but the brother-in-law does most of the work. Brandie works all the time because she enjoys it. Maybe she enjoys a man lying on her couch all day doing nothing. I wouldn't know. Not sure if I really even want to know. Guess it's easier for her to keep control that way. But when the cat's away the mice will play. But she has a new mommy to run and cry to when that happens............And it will.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Monday and guess who's here.......Markel, the unofficially adopted neighborhood boy! Mason's being a real punk right now to everyone because now no one is playing with him."He who does not play with Mason shall be miserable." Why are some kids that way? I'm glad I only got one of that kind. They all act like they are totally neglected and never received anything halfway decent their entire lives......I think they each harbor this secret desire to drown the others. "The others" being anyone or anything Mom pays attention to, including the cats......and this computer now that I think of it. But for this very moment "computer" and I are having a little parent/electronic device personal time. So for now we'll just pretend "computer" is an only child. We'll play scanning games, maybe a little "find the file" because he likes to stash them in cyber eternity where he knows mommy will never find them! Ok....maybe it's mommy who really wants to drown them.......Maybe later.
I did get a little "free time" today if you want to call any moment away from this zoo "free." Does the dentist count? Getting my wisdom teeth worked on isn't exactly relaxing....But I was lying down....with my eyes closed. Not out of fear but because you can't see anything from that vantage point anyway except four hands, a drill and a "slobber slurper." Having my jaws pryed open wide enough to insert a whole watermelon and held in that position with plastic "bite props" was seriously painful....still is. Maybe they do that so you'll be distracted from the drill in your mouth. Or from the 20 fingers, and a multitude of cottonballs and electrical appliances vicariously close to my "gagger." And I have a really strong gag reflex. The urge to swallow was totally unbearable and very difficult to stifle. Ok, so maybe that wasn't "free" time......Somebody tell my daughter (who watched all of the boys during mommy's "playtime") that. But HER playdate with the "gag master" is Friday so "Ha Ha."
I did get a little "free time" today if you want to call any moment away from this zoo "free." Does the dentist count? Getting my wisdom teeth worked on isn't exactly relaxing....But I was lying down....with my eyes closed. Not out of fear but because you can't see anything from that vantage point anyway except four hands, a drill and a "slobber slurper." Having my jaws pryed open wide enough to insert a whole watermelon and held in that position with plastic "bite props" was seriously painful....still is. Maybe they do that so you'll be distracted from the drill in your mouth. Or from the 20 fingers, and a multitude of cottonballs and electrical appliances vicariously close to my "gagger." And I have a really strong gag reflex. The urge to swallow was totally unbearable and very difficult to stifle. Ok, so maybe that wasn't "free" time......Somebody tell my daughter (who watched all of the boys during mommy's "playtime") that. But HER playdate with the "gag master" is Friday so "Ha Ha."
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Another Sunday and nothing big happenin'. Markel stayed last night AGAIN. So did Cameron. They were good but spent the last 24 hours playing with each other instead of Ian and Liam. Apparently they don't get to play video games much at their houses 'cause that's all they did here. They went back and forth from the PS2 to the XBox to the Gamecube. My kids play that stuff everyday so that was the last thing they wanted to do when their friends got here.
I finally told Markel it was time to go home. I think he was a little heartbroken but 4 nights and 5 days was long enough. You'd think his mother would miss him and say "No" to his requests to spend the night yet again. But that didn't happen. I have no idea what home life is like for Markel to make him not want to go home for five days straight. I do know his mom has an 8 month old baby, but then we have a 5 month old in our house. That can't be it.
He and his younger sister (Markel is 8) roam the neighborhood until dark just about every day. He's realy no trouble at all..........But he's NOT MINE! He reminds me of a lost puppy where you know he belongs to somebody but he just keeps finding his way back to your house to play.
And he's soooo tiny. Mason was his size at 5 years old! The boys' friend, Sebastian, is not much bigger than Markel and he's 8 too. Ian just turned 10 and he's already as tall as I am (not that I'm tall or anything). I bet he'll be 5'6" by Christmas. I'm glad it's too hot to wear jeans because I'm positive he wouldn't be able to wear a single pair he owns now. Liam is a different story. He's all bone and not a whole lot else. Mason's built like the Incredible Hulk (Thus the nickname MOOSE). Liam and Mason wear the same size clothes with the exception of inseam size. What am I gonna do when they're 13, 14 and 15?! They'll be going through clothes and shoes like toilet paper! Food too, but GEEZE!.......................But boys are STILL easier than girls!
I finally told Markel it was time to go home. I think he was a little heartbroken but 4 nights and 5 days was long enough. You'd think his mother would miss him and say "No" to his requests to spend the night yet again. But that didn't happen. I have no idea what home life is like for Markel to make him not want to go home for five days straight. I do know his mom has an 8 month old baby, but then we have a 5 month old in our house. That can't be it.
He and his younger sister (Markel is 8) roam the neighborhood until dark just about every day. He's realy no trouble at all..........But he's NOT MINE! He reminds me of a lost puppy where you know he belongs to somebody but he just keeps finding his way back to your house to play.
And he's soooo tiny. Mason was his size at 5 years old! The boys' friend, Sebastian, is not much bigger than Markel and he's 8 too. Ian just turned 10 and he's already as tall as I am (not that I'm tall or anything). I bet he'll be 5'6" by Christmas. I'm glad it's too hot to wear jeans because I'm positive he wouldn't be able to wear a single pair he owns now. Liam is a different story. He's all bone and not a whole lot else. Mason's built like the Incredible Hulk (Thus the nickname MOOSE). Liam and Mason wear the same size clothes with the exception of inseam size. What am I gonna do when they're 13, 14 and 15?! They'll be going through clothes and shoes like toilet paper! Food too, but GEEZE!.......................But boys are STILL easier than girls!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Ahhh, Saturday....Nothing to do yet way too much to do. One of the neighbor boys spent the night for the third night in a row. He's a good kid.....Quiet, respectful, kind, doesn't eat much. In other words, not your typical prepubescent boy. Maybe he's different at his own house. But as long as he's well behaved while he's here, everything works out just fine. Another buddy is on the way over right now.
But everybody will be upset when Memom comes home 'cause then NO ONE comes over! I'm not saying she's mean. Her nerves just can't handle the commotion ........ and with my kids there will always be commotion. Add a few extra kids to the mix and "Viola!," instant zoo! At least the boys had three weeks of friends. And school starts in a few weeks so they won't be bored for long.
Their dad should be coming to get them tonight sometime...maybe. If he doesn't find something "more fun & interesting" to do. His loss. He had 5 months alone to find "fun & interesting" things to do. Guess the novelty of being able to see his boys again has already worn off. So, back to the way things were before. We'll see.
But everybody will be upset when Memom comes home 'cause then NO ONE comes over! I'm not saying she's mean. Her nerves just can't handle the commotion ........ and with my kids there will always be commotion. Add a few extra kids to the mix and "Viola!," instant zoo! At least the boys had three weeks of friends. And school starts in a few weeks so they won't be bored for long.
Their dad should be coming to get them tonight sometime...maybe. If he doesn't find something "more fun & interesting" to do. His loss. He had 5 months alone to find "fun & interesting" things to do. Guess the novelty of being able to see his boys again has already worn off. So, back to the way things were before. We'll see.
Friday, August 04, 2006
I already had to look for multiple things this morning. My brother, who has OCD, comes over and rearranges everything.....Like the refrigerator, the pantry, the livingroom and whatever else he sees that he thinks needs to be rearranged or straightened. Things are rarely ever where I left them so I have to search for them.
Oh, by the way, this is not my house. It is my mothers so he feels free to come and go as he pleases. Sleep here, do laundry, raid her liquor cabinet, make long distant calls, eat whatever is here that I've made for the kids. Mom lets him because he takes care of the yard for her. I can't tell him to leave.......He's 38 years old. Time to get a life.
He's so much like our dad it's scary. He looks like him, acts like him, thinks like him. Dad never grew up either. He didn't realize that until right before he died of a massive heart attack at 52. It's sad that he missed out on being a father. Oh, he was a daddy, but just not a father. He only wanted the fun part. Actually, he only wanted the fun part of being a mom and not a dad.
He was transgendered. He had gender disphoria. And never did anything positive about it. He did everything he could to hide it from everyone, including himself. The alcohol and drugs just made it harder. I didn't even know about any of it until my sister told me over the phone while I was away at college. That was a real shock. My sister was living with him at the time and found that he kept taking her underclothes and was blaming it on his on-again-off-again girlfriend. But more on that later......My son is badgering me to let him have a turn on this machine.
Oh, by the way, this is not my house. It is my mothers so he feels free to come and go as he pleases. Sleep here, do laundry, raid her liquor cabinet, make long distant calls, eat whatever is here that I've made for the kids. Mom lets him because he takes care of the yard for her. I can't tell him to leave.......He's 38 years old. Time to get a life.
He's so much like our dad it's scary. He looks like him, acts like him, thinks like him. Dad never grew up either. He didn't realize that until right before he died of a massive heart attack at 52. It's sad that he missed out on being a father. Oh, he was a daddy, but just not a father. He only wanted the fun part. Actually, he only wanted the fun part of being a mom and not a dad.
He was transgendered. He had gender disphoria. And never did anything positive about it. He did everything he could to hide it from everyone, including himself. The alcohol and drugs just made it harder. I didn't even know about any of it until my sister told me over the phone while I was away at college. That was a real shock. My sister was living with him at the time and found that he kept taking her underclothes and was blaming it on his on-again-off-again girlfriend. But more on that later......My son is badgering me to let him have a turn on this machine.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Hey!!!!!!!! The Six Week Body Makover program didn't come with the "anchor" for the exercise band! Guess that means I can still eat pizza until it comes in the mail! Nah! But I do have to go to the store to get all the fish and "greens" I'm supposed to eat for the next 6 weeks. I may just turn into a green fish by the end of this thing. Fish for breakfast. Fish for morning snack. Fish for lunch. Fish for snack. Fish for dinner. Fish for evening snack. FISH FISH FISH!......It's a good thing I like fish.
I still wonder when mom is coming home. She went to Tennessee for a wedding July 19th and hasn't been back yet. I don't think she wants to come back. Too many animals, I mean kids, in this house. But her cats miss her terribly. I'm sure she wonders if this house will be in one piece when she does come home. Maybe it will; maybe it won't. But I do know how to use power tools.
At least it's not like when the 80 ft. oak tree hit our house in Florida and made an entire room disappear in an instant. That was bizarre. Lightning was striking all around the house and knocked down the top third of two trees in the front yard, crushing the kids swingset. I saw it happen through the diningroom picture window and told all the kids, "Hey, the swingset's gone." Sort of in a nonchalant way since such events are not new to us. They all come running out of the den and into the diningroom and as soon as the last foot hit the front room carpet...."BOOOOM!" A huge tree in our house where the den used to be a split second before. The odd thing was that it came right down on top of the computer chair where my daughter was sitting just that second before. Crushed it. It would have killed her instantly. Angels were busy that day! We all just stood there in shock with our mouths open just as big as the new hole in our house. It was like we were in The Wizard of Oz and we were watching the wind blow everything right by us. Scary. But alas, no munchkins and no yellow brick road spread out before us. And where was Glenda when we needed her?!
I still wonder when mom is coming home. She went to Tennessee for a wedding July 19th and hasn't been back yet. I don't think she wants to come back. Too many animals, I mean kids, in this house. But her cats miss her terribly. I'm sure she wonders if this house will be in one piece when she does come home. Maybe it will; maybe it won't. But I do know how to use power tools.
At least it's not like when the 80 ft. oak tree hit our house in Florida and made an entire room disappear in an instant. That was bizarre. Lightning was striking all around the house and knocked down the top third of two trees in the front yard, crushing the kids swingset. I saw it happen through the diningroom picture window and told all the kids, "Hey, the swingset's gone." Sort of in a nonchalant way since such events are not new to us. They all come running out of the den and into the diningroom and as soon as the last foot hit the front room carpet...."BOOOOM!" A huge tree in our house where the den used to be a split second before. The odd thing was that it came right down on top of the computer chair where my daughter was sitting just that second before. Crushed it. It would have killed her instantly. Angels were busy that day! We all just stood there in shock with our mouths open just as big as the new hole in our house. It was like we were in The Wizard of Oz and we were watching the wind blow everything right by us. Scary. But alas, no munchkins and no yellow brick road spread out before us. And where was Glenda when we needed her?!
Things are quite tense around here, as usual. Everybody seems to have woken up in a bad mood. When do they not?
But at least I'm going to get some cool tissue paper samples from MAC Papers. I wish I could get samples of every color (all 64 of them!) but I can only get 8-10 pieces.....Or I can buy a case of 1,024 sheets. Do I need that much craft tissue? If it were "butt" tissue I'd say yes, but craft tissue? If I play my cards right and get on the ball with these collages then I might actually be able to use 1,024 sheets of tissue. One book at a time....One book at a time.
Getting the text in order and in type will take no time at all. It's the research and deciding which digraphs and blends to use where. It could make or break this manuscript.......After all, it is for those learning the English language, spoken and written. It has to appeal to children as well as their caregivers in every sense. It must, first of all, make sense. Then it must be visually and orally appealing. It has to flow correctly.....No subjects or text in the "gutter." Nothing confusing. And what title to use? "Amazing Animal Alphabet?" Time for a title search.
I need to deal with mom's manuscripts too. The grammer really needs some tweaking. And a couple of things need to be more developed, but they will work. I think both could use graphite illustrations. Nothing highly stylized. Maybe even some pen & Ink and watercolor. But first things first.
But at least I'm going to get some cool tissue paper samples from MAC Papers. I wish I could get samples of every color (all 64 of them!) but I can only get 8-10 pieces.....Or I can buy a case of 1,024 sheets. Do I need that much craft tissue? If it were "butt" tissue I'd say yes, but craft tissue? If I play my cards right and get on the ball with these collages then I might actually be able to use 1,024 sheets of tissue. One book at a time....One book at a time.
Getting the text in order and in type will take no time at all. It's the research and deciding which digraphs and blends to use where. It could make or break this manuscript.......After all, it is for those learning the English language, spoken and written. It has to appeal to children as well as their caregivers in every sense. It must, first of all, make sense. Then it must be visually and orally appealing. It has to flow correctly.....No subjects or text in the "gutter." Nothing confusing. And what title to use? "Amazing Animal Alphabet?" Time for a title search.
I need to deal with mom's manuscripts too. The grammer really needs some tweaking. And a couple of things need to be more developed, but they will work. I think both could use graphite illustrations. Nothing highly stylized. Maybe even some pen & Ink and watercolor. But first things first.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
YEEAAAAA!! The 6 Week Body Makeover program came! YYYEEEAAAA!!! ........Doing a happy dance right now (Does that count as cardio?)! Ok, so now I have to get really serious.......really.........Right now............Ok, later. But, Yeaaa!
Also a "yeehah," Ian's psychiatrist appointment is today. He gets his meds refilled today, that's all. Ian won't be seeing the psycho-therapist until August 22nd. He'll be fine as long as he is mentally occupied for most of the time. He's extremely intelligent but has some really wide emotional swings and serious anxiety issues. And no, he's not bi-polar. We went through that whole thing over a 6 month period when Ian was in a drug trial program. The reason I chose a drug trial program is because they monitored him weekly as opposed to monthly. If there was a problem it was handled immediately so that med levels could be adjusted accordingly. The medical staff was extremely helpful, knowledgeable and patient; something you don't always find in your basic child psychologist.
Ian's friend, Eli, is here right now. They're like two peas in a pod. It's funny that Ian was the one I worried most about adjusting in public school and finding friends. He seems to find friends everywhere and anywhere.
He struggles with understanding God's motives in regard to his abilities. He seems to be the only child in the immediate family that has difficulty drawing. But then "drawing" has connections with "focus" and mental "clarity." Ian's poor brain is always running on all 6 cylinders. But he sleeps like the dead.....when he does sleep. Now......to get that grandbaby to sleep all night!
Also a "yeehah," Ian's psychiatrist appointment is today. He gets his meds refilled today, that's all. Ian won't be seeing the psycho-therapist until August 22nd. He'll be fine as long as he is mentally occupied for most of the time. He's extremely intelligent but has some really wide emotional swings and serious anxiety issues. And no, he's not bi-polar. We went through that whole thing over a 6 month period when Ian was in a drug trial program. The reason I chose a drug trial program is because they monitored him weekly as opposed to monthly. If there was a problem it was handled immediately so that med levels could be adjusted accordingly. The medical staff was extremely helpful, knowledgeable and patient; something you don't always find in your basic child psychologist.
Ian's friend, Eli, is here right now. They're like two peas in a pod. It's funny that Ian was the one I worried most about adjusting in public school and finding friends. He seems to find friends everywhere and anywhere.
He struggles with understanding God's motives in regard to his abilities. He seems to be the only child in the immediate family that has difficulty drawing. But then "drawing" has connections with "focus" and mental "clarity." Ian's poor brain is always running on all 6 cylinders. But he sleeps like the dead.....when he does sleep. Now......to get that grandbaby to sleep all night!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Not much to offer today.....yet. The younger boys are back in the creek looking for fish. Ian is still asleep. I really don't want to hear "I need to be able to draw by fifth grade! Why can't I draw?! Show me how to draw!!" for the next twelve hours. But he needs to get up anyway. "Drawing" is Ian's new obsession. Well, not too new. But still it's sometimes an all day every day thing that drives everybody nuts, especially Ian. His psychologist really wants to help but it's difficult for him to totally relate to what's going on at home because he only spends about 3 hours a month with Ian in different sessions. I try to explain "daily homelife" but it's still Greek if you don't live in the middle of it. Coping skills only work for him when the frenzy dies down; not when it's building. Do we try anxiety meds? Ian's already taking Abilify and Clonidine. I hate to add more but we didn't even get those meds until he was 8 years old. He's tried every so called ADHD med on the market and the only one that helps him to focus is Abilify ........ at $359 a month! He's a very good kid but when he's on a down slide we're all miserable.
Monday, July 31, 2006
The kids are being hateful to each other this morning as usual. Especially Ian....The one being most hateful, I mean. He definitely woke up on the wrong side of something. Must have been a rock because anybody being that miserable couldn't have actually slept in a real bed last night. I didn't see him take any "monster" pills today......But he's sure acting like he did. Was there a full moon last night? I think it's just "I'm not getting my way, I'm miserable and I'm taking everybody down with me." When he's miserable he's like a category 5 hurricane. Nothing escapes and the whole world holds their breath and hides until it fizzles out.
On a lighter note, Liam found a turtle in the creek and is attempting to keep it and feed it green grapes. Do they eat grapes? He's keeping it in the cooler! The little fish he caught with his hand a couple of days ago died of course..........Only because he wandered around with it in his hands for about 30 minutes before deciding to try to feed it to the cat. Podgie (the cat) just looked at it and went, "Ewwww!"and ran the other way. Apparently fresh fish is not his idea of "Catch of the Day." Actually he won't even eat canned fish. Now fresh pork is a different story. But since he's such a little piggy wouldn't that make him a cannibal?
At least Podgy's not being chased by Mason's new RC Hummer2. He'd never make it. His poor belly would drag the ground and cause a fire from friction on the carpet. I think the batteries have died again anyway. In the RC not the cat. That thing has already used $10 worth of batteries in the last 12 hours. Now Mason's raiding any and every other battery operated object in the house. An "NO," I don't have any toys hidden in my nightstand! Shame on you! And if I did....Shame on you anyway!
On a lighter note, Liam found a turtle in the creek and is attempting to keep it and feed it green grapes. Do they eat grapes? He's keeping it in the cooler! The little fish he caught with his hand a couple of days ago died of course..........Only because he wandered around with it in his hands for about 30 minutes before deciding to try to feed it to the cat. Podgie (the cat) just looked at it and went, "Ewwww!"and ran the other way. Apparently fresh fish is not his idea of "Catch of the Day." Actually he won't even eat canned fish. Now fresh pork is a different story. But since he's such a little piggy wouldn't that make him a cannibal?
At least Podgy's not being chased by Mason's new RC Hummer2. He'd never make it. His poor belly would drag the ground and cause a fire from friction on the carpet. I think the batteries have died again anyway. In the RC not the cat. That thing has already used $10 worth of batteries in the last 12 hours. Now Mason's raiding any and every other battery operated object in the house. An "NO," I don't have any toys hidden in my nightstand! Shame on you! And if I did....Shame on you anyway!
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Yeah, the "pirate" art hit the paper today. I must say, some of them were really cool. Some quite funny, actually. Now I know how much creativity I was (we were) allowed. Too little too late for me. Fun though.
The biggest question is, "How do I market ME?" I certainly don't have the connections here in Charlotte that I had in central Florida. I figured there would be more juried art shows here than back home...but NO. Suppose I could leave my business card at restaurants and hospitals for starters. Even "giveaway" murals will get my name out there. An even bigger challenge right now is the lack of a place to paint or even think about painting. Hopefully, in September, I will have some studio space of some sort in our new apartment or house.
I actually dread moving back in with my husband. I have a feeling that things will just become exactly what they were before I left the last time. I don't know if I can handle that. He thinks the only reason I was "unhappy" is because I wasn't working. I was a stay-at-home mom homeschooling our children. Boredom and discontent were NOT the problem. An emotionally and physically absent husband was. Alcohol was and still is his mistress. The family was at the bottom of his list because he assumed that we would always be there because we were "His." Along with MY social security number.
All of the credit cards he aquired with my SSN are still unpaid. He has credit but I can't even get my one little Target card limit raised above $200 because of what he did. And the van he bought (think piece of crap on wheels) with my SSN is now in my brother's possession.....with no tag or title (not even from day one). If my brother (name withheld intentionally) gets stopped for drugs or DWI then that van will be traced back to me......The one whose name is not on it but whose SSN is. I can never claim it but I am legally responsible for whatever happens with or in it. Does that make any sense? Not to me. The only way I can have any of this crap changed would be to take my husband to court. I'm still married to him. There has been no legal separation, divorce or mandated child support of any kind. What's a judge gonna do? Laugh?
Why is it that the woman always gets screwed?....Literally and figuatively. Marital rape can rarely be proven so why is it illegal? Of course husbands never remember such things and wives "ask for it" so where is the argument? "I would never do that to you. I love you. I could never do or say those things to you." Right. I left because you "love" me. If that's what you want to believe, I'm happy for you. And drinking and driving with the kids in the car is ok because you always know what your limit is?..........I do believe the limit is "ZERO." "But I know when I've had too many." When? After you wake up in a strange place and can't find your truck? Yeah. I guess that would be the limit.
He should support his kids ( and me for that matter) until they are each 18. I believed being a stay-at-home mom was in the best interest for all of us. And at the time it was. Somebody has to protect the kids. But it backfired for all of us. Well, not for my husband. It's actually working just fine for him. He thinks he has me right where he wants me. And I suppose he does. Because I helped get me there.
How do I support all of us if I can't even get a minimum wage job? Where do I go from here? Do I take advantage of the situation and take an entry level job and work my way back up the ladder? Only to leave my husband again when the money and the leavin' are good? The boys really want to be with their dad but they're too young to really understand what his (our) problem is. My daughter just wants everything her way no matter who pays the price. She's very jealous and possessive. I have no idea where she gets it....No, really. I guess the biggest problem is that I don't want to put everybody back into a sinking boat. A boat made out of tissue paper that everyone can see through except the doomed passengers. And no captain.
The biggest question is, "How do I market ME?" I certainly don't have the connections here in Charlotte that I had in central Florida. I figured there would be more juried art shows here than back home...but NO. Suppose I could leave my business card at restaurants and hospitals for starters. Even "giveaway" murals will get my name out there. An even bigger challenge right now is the lack of a place to paint or even think about painting. Hopefully, in September, I will have some studio space of some sort in our new apartment or house.
I actually dread moving back in with my husband. I have a feeling that things will just become exactly what they were before I left the last time. I don't know if I can handle that. He thinks the only reason I was "unhappy" is because I wasn't working. I was a stay-at-home mom homeschooling our children. Boredom and discontent were NOT the problem. An emotionally and physically absent husband was. Alcohol was and still is his mistress. The family was at the bottom of his list because he assumed that we would always be there because we were "His." Along with MY social security number.
All of the credit cards he aquired with my SSN are still unpaid. He has credit but I can't even get my one little Target card limit raised above $200 because of what he did. And the van he bought (think piece of crap on wheels) with my SSN is now in my brother's possession.....with no tag or title (not even from day one). If my brother (name withheld intentionally) gets stopped for drugs or DWI then that van will be traced back to me......The one whose name is not on it but whose SSN is. I can never claim it but I am legally responsible for whatever happens with or in it. Does that make any sense? Not to me. The only way I can have any of this crap changed would be to take my husband to court. I'm still married to him. There has been no legal separation, divorce or mandated child support of any kind. What's a judge gonna do? Laugh?
Why is it that the woman always gets screwed?....Literally and figuatively. Marital rape can rarely be proven so why is it illegal? Of course husbands never remember such things and wives "ask for it" so where is the argument? "I would never do that to you. I love you. I could never do or say those things to you." Right. I left because you "love" me. If that's what you want to believe, I'm happy for you. And drinking and driving with the kids in the car is ok because you always know what your limit is?..........I do believe the limit is "ZERO." "But I know when I've had too many." When? After you wake up in a strange place and can't find your truck? Yeah. I guess that would be the limit.
He should support his kids ( and me for that matter) until they are each 18. I believed being a stay-at-home mom was in the best interest for all of us. And at the time it was. Somebody has to protect the kids. But it backfired for all of us. Well, not for my husband. It's actually working just fine for him. He thinks he has me right where he wants me. And I suppose he does. Because I helped get me there.
How do I support all of us if I can't even get a minimum wage job? Where do I go from here? Do I take advantage of the situation and take an entry level job and work my way back up the ladder? Only to leave my husband again when the money and the leavin' are good? The boys really want to be with their dad but they're too young to really understand what his (our) problem is. My daughter just wants everything her way no matter who pays the price. She's very jealous and possessive. I have no idea where she gets it....No, really. I guess the biggest problem is that I don't want to put everybody back into a sinking boat. A boat made out of tissue paper that everyone can see through except the doomed passengers. And no captain.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Just one more day and my curiousity will be satisfied. About pirates anyway. My grandbaby is busy bouncing behind me in his bouncer so all I hear is "BOING, Boing, boing, BOING, BOING, BOOOOOIIINNNG, BOING, boing!" At least until he's bored. Then it's "Boing, WAAA, Boing, WAAAA!!" But he's such a good baby. Very sweet. I could just eat him up! But I won't today.
I may just spend today doing not much of anything. The library would be good. Guess I'll have to take everybody. They'd be upset if I didn't. I'm so thankful that all of my kids love to read. The material they choose may sometimes be questionable, but they are reading. My grandbaby, "Ton Ton," is only five months old and already has a substantial library started for him. I'd love to work on enlarging my collection too. The arts section anyway.
I'll be glad when the kids go back to school. Not because I don't want them around, but only because they're getting bored. The novelty of the new school year will last about a week and then they'll start counting the days until the first school holiday. Personally, I can't wait to meet the art teacher. I plan on volunteering in her class alot this year. Don't care what grade or whose class. I just want to get in there and share the fun with all those kids.
Maybe I can talk the principal and art teacher into planning a student mural this year. I think they'd love it. Every grade could participate. It could be in a hall or in the cafeteria so the weather won't be a problem. And since it's only paint, it could be painted over if they choose. And they could organize a new one each year. Maybe each grade could submit design and theme proposals and each grade could have their own section. Or they could all be integrated into one big design. Maybe they could learn about mosaics and they could do paper or stamped mosaics in class then work together on one big stamped mosaic mural. It could even be done on a huge sheet of paper and just hung in the hallway. That way they could use water based paint. I'm not sure what their curriculum is this coming year, but it's a thought. Am I thinking too far ahead? I don't think so.
I may just spend today doing not much of anything. The library would be good. Guess I'll have to take everybody. They'd be upset if I didn't. I'm so thankful that all of my kids love to read. The material they choose may sometimes be questionable, but they are reading. My grandbaby, "Ton Ton," is only five months old and already has a substantial library started for him. I'd love to work on enlarging my collection too. The arts section anyway.
I'll be glad when the kids go back to school. Not because I don't want them around, but only because they're getting bored. The novelty of the new school year will last about a week and then they'll start counting the days until the first school holiday. Personally, I can't wait to meet the art teacher. I plan on volunteering in her class alot this year. Don't care what grade or whose class. I just want to get in there and share the fun with all those kids.
Maybe I can talk the principal and art teacher into planning a student mural this year. I think they'd love it. Every grade could participate. It could be in a hall or in the cafeteria so the weather won't be a problem. And since it's only paint, it could be painted over if they choose. And they could organize a new one each year. Maybe each grade could submit design and theme proposals and each grade could have their own section. Or they could all be integrated into one big design. Maybe they could learn about mosaics and they could do paper or stamped mosaics in class then work together on one big stamped mosaic mural. It could even be done on a huge sheet of paper and just hung in the hallway. That way they could use water based paint. I'm not sure what their curriculum is this coming year, but it's a thought. Am I thinking too far ahead? I don't think so.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Today I found out that The Charlotte Observer will be revealing winners of their "Draw the Pirate" contest in Sunday's paper. Suppose I didn't win since they haven't called or anything. Sort of disappointed but not really. The instructions said, "Be creative." If I'm supposed to draw the pirate exactly like what I saw, in what ways am I allowed to be creative? Should I have used crayons? Or tissue paper? Or maybe drawn or painted it with dripped wax? I really don't lack creativity. But I do lack boldness, I suppose. I didn't "step outside the box." Just how big or small is that box? Anyway, I'll find out just how creative others got on Sunday. I'm very curious to say the least.
I had dreams last night about dressing store windows in the South Park Mall. And about getting noticed by the visual merchandising elite (if there be such things). Am I getting desperate? Certainly sounds like it. If I were 20 years old that would be a cool dream. Actually, I think I was around 20 in the dream. What.........e.......ver!
I'm jonesing for Diet Coke. That's now a no-no for me. Along with salt, sugar, processed carbs, and anything else edible on this planet. Guess I'll just eat air for the next 6 weeks. The Michael Thurmond's 6 Week Body Makeover program should be coming soon.........if they didn't screw up the order. Nothing is showing up on my online bank account anymore. Before, it showed that I had ordered TWO programs....NOT! Now that my account was "reimbursed" it shows that I ordered nothing. If I get it in the mail are they charging me for it? One would think. Are they gonna surprise me in two months and deduct it from my account without notice? Hope not. Would another phone call fix it this time? Maybe. But I really want to get started on that program! The one called "Real Life......Live it or Die."
I had dreams last night about dressing store windows in the South Park Mall. And about getting noticed by the visual merchandising elite (if there be such things). Am I getting desperate? Certainly sounds like it. If I were 20 years old that would be a cool dream. Actually, I think I was around 20 in the dream. What.........e.......ver!
I'm jonesing for Diet Coke. That's now a no-no for me. Along with salt, sugar, processed carbs, and anything else edible on this planet. Guess I'll just eat air for the next 6 weeks. The Michael Thurmond's 6 Week Body Makeover program should be coming soon.........if they didn't screw up the order. Nothing is showing up on my online bank account anymore. Before, it showed that I had ordered TWO programs....NOT! Now that my account was "reimbursed" it shows that I ordered nothing. If I get it in the mail are they charging me for it? One would think. Are they gonna surprise me in two months and deduct it from my account without notice? Hope not. Would another phone call fix it this time? Maybe. But I really want to get started on that program! The one called "Real Life......Live it or Die."
Thursday, July 27, 2006
musings of fatness
I went to see my nutritionist today and looks like I gained about half of a pound. Imagine that! Maybe it's because I'm not working. Who knows. But I ordered Michael Thurmond's 6 week body makeover. We'll see what all that involves. Anything is better than what I'm doing now.....which is ......nothing. Should I put my family responsibilities aside and look harder for work? Set up conferences with those in the know? If I can't seperate family time with work now then what makes me think I can do it if I actually get a real paying job? Discipline! Or the lack thereof..........That's it in one single, solitary BIG FAT word!
Should I try the lottery? Or is that me trying to take control away from God and leaving it to fate? It's time to start living and not just existing..........My self confidence is on hiatus. Who's a good motivator? I need a cheerleader or two (or fifty) to follow me around. The next $100 I get (that I can invest in myself) goes straight to art supplies. Paper in particular. I know of a wonderful art store.........Binders..........I could spend hours in there and the store is barely 400 square feet total. The bookstore is a great hideaway too. But then I'm not supposed to be hiding am I?
I suppose hiding is in my nature. After years of physical, verbal and sexual abuse as a kid, that's kind of all I ever wanted to do............Hide. Whatever it took to not be noticed.......hoping to just disappear and be forgotten so nobody would ever know. Especially since no one believed me anyway. Growing up and seeking out the kind of men I always hated doesn't help. It's ironic that those are the men I notice first. Sort of like self punishment........believing you're not worthy of anything better because you were used like a dirty rag and can never truly be clean again. Or so you believe. But God is wonderful and sent His Son to clean even the dirtiest of souls. All you have to do is ask. I did.
Should I try the lottery? Or is that me trying to take control away from God and leaving it to fate? It's time to start living and not just existing..........My self confidence is on hiatus. Who's a good motivator? I need a cheerleader or two (or fifty) to follow me around. The next $100 I get (that I can invest in myself) goes straight to art supplies. Paper in particular. I know of a wonderful art store.........Binders..........I could spend hours in there and the store is barely 400 square feet total. The bookstore is a great hideaway too. But then I'm not supposed to be hiding am I?
I suppose hiding is in my nature. After years of physical, verbal and sexual abuse as a kid, that's kind of all I ever wanted to do............Hide. Whatever it took to not be noticed.......hoping to just disappear and be forgotten so nobody would ever know. Especially since no one believed me anyway. Growing up and seeking out the kind of men I always hated doesn't help. It's ironic that those are the men I notice first. Sort of like self punishment........believing you're not worthy of anything better because you were used like a dirty rag and can never truly be clean again. Or so you believe. But God is wonderful and sent His Son to clean even the dirtiest of souls. All you have to do is ask. I did.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
O.k. Now I'm getting discouraged. Somebody tell me what it is that I'm doing wrong in regard to finding a new job. What do I have to do? Who should I ask for help? This is the first time in my life I've had any difficulty whatsoever finding a job! I can't even get minimum wage jobs because I'm "over qualified" thank God. And the jobs I want I'm "under qualified" for or else they're full-time in-house only. Do I need to go to the unemployment office? I don't think I'm too good for that or anything. It's just that I don't think I could get anything over an entry level position that way. But then I don't know 'cause I've never tried. And I reeeeaaaly don't want anything in administration ever again. Just not my thing. I'm not really a begger so I can be a chooser, right? HEEEEEELP!
Just another day
Still have no replies regarding my resumes or applications. Good sign or bad sign? I need to be more aggressive I suppose. Maybe I don't have enough current experience being that I really haven't worked very much in the last 7 years. Guess homeschooling does't count! What to do? CPCC classes? Who pays? Who has the time? Maybe a few weekend classes would do the trick. What types of illustration jobs are out there that would allow me to work from home? Jobs that would pay enough yet not require so many hours that my children would have to spend every weekday in after school care. That in itself would cost over $150.00 a week. Decisions, decisions. But first things first. I'm off to the dentist. Hoo-rah.........
Monday, July 24, 2006
Day two
Hey! Another chance to write a bit! Blogs are very different than I expected. I thought they were just simple teen journaling sites. Boy was I wrong. If you want to read some funny stuff (It's funny if you're a parent!) then log on to www.mamalogues.com . She's a real riot. Wow, I sound like an old fogey!
Still waiting for the Charlotte Observer to call me back.....And the Carmel Country Club. I'm not really sure how to get back into the freelance business. Things seemed so much easier 20 years ago. Guess there are just too many enthusiastic art school grads out there for me to compete with. Visual merchandising would be fun again. Suppose I'll just have to take a few days, portfolio in hand, and hit the street. I have lots of excuses for not having done it already. Like "I need to be home to watch my grandbaby," "I need to be home because there is no one to watch my own kids," "I don't have enough experience," "My portfolio is too out of date," "My skills are out of date," "I don't have the energy I used to," "What if I can't meet a deadline?" and on and on and on!
I do have business cards now. Do I fear success? Maybe so. I fear taking on so much job responsibility that my responsibilities to my family will get put at the bottom of the list. I did that when my oldest was little and I was a single parent. I feel guilty still. And she now has a child of her own. I have to learn to be a risk taker without being a guilt keeper. I believe that's hard for a lot of mothers.
I had a part-time job (until this week) at a company called Shirestone, as the owner's personal assistant (think Girl Friday). I actually applied for the position she advertised last year which was "colorist." That meant being a faux finisher for the hand-poured countertops they fabricate. They are beautiful, by the way. My position quickly evolved into Administrative Something-or-other." The company was very new and she definitely needed an assistant of some sort. Unless I moved into a sales position, my salary would never change. It's not possible for me to work full-time so things just didn't work out for either of us. I'm sure when the company grows and they hire more employees things will be better for her. I wish her well but that apparently just wasn't and couldn't be me. Yes, she was very kind and personable and definitely a "type A" personality! And very good at being just that. I think I'm "type Z!"
O.k. I vented a little. But isn't that what blogs are for? My boys found a robin's nest that fell out of a tree during the storm and I'm still waiting for the folks from the wildlife conservation /bird rehab place to call back to except these poor little babies that are still in the nest. The boys said there were three babies yesterday, but when they went today to see if the mama bird came back, one of the babies was gone. :( Mason looked for it but still couldn't find it. I don't know how the mama would get them and the nest back into the tree anyway. But the "Bird Lady" will hand raise them then help them to get back into the wild when they are old enough.
Hey! The Bird Lady called. We took the little robins to the bird shelter. Now everyone is happy.........Sort of. I went to Red Rocks Bar & Grill to fill out an application for day bartender. I have to wait until tomorrow to hear from the hiring manager. We'll see what happens. I really don't want to have to go back into the bar business since I seperated from the kids' father because he still drinks too much. That kinda shows that mom has double standards. Not a good thing.
Still waiting for the Charlotte Observer to call me back.....And the Carmel Country Club. I'm not really sure how to get back into the freelance business. Things seemed so much easier 20 years ago. Guess there are just too many enthusiastic art school grads out there for me to compete with. Visual merchandising would be fun again. Suppose I'll just have to take a few days, portfolio in hand, and hit the street. I have lots of excuses for not having done it already. Like "I need to be home to watch my grandbaby," "I need to be home because there is no one to watch my own kids," "I don't have enough experience," "My portfolio is too out of date," "My skills are out of date," "I don't have the energy I used to," "What if I can't meet a deadline?" and on and on and on!
I do have business cards now. Do I fear success? Maybe so. I fear taking on so much job responsibility that my responsibilities to my family will get put at the bottom of the list. I did that when my oldest was little and I was a single parent. I feel guilty still. And she now has a child of her own. I have to learn to be a risk taker without being a guilt keeper. I believe that's hard for a lot of mothers.
I had a part-time job (until this week) at a company called Shirestone, as the owner's personal assistant (think Girl Friday). I actually applied for the position she advertised last year which was "colorist." That meant being a faux finisher for the hand-poured countertops they fabricate. They are beautiful, by the way. My position quickly evolved into Administrative Something-or-other." The company was very new and she definitely needed an assistant of some sort. Unless I moved into a sales position, my salary would never change. It's not possible for me to work full-time so things just didn't work out for either of us. I'm sure when the company grows and they hire more employees things will be better for her. I wish her well but that apparently just wasn't and couldn't be me. Yes, she was very kind and personable and definitely a "type A" personality! And very good at being just that. I think I'm "type Z!"
O.k. I vented a little. But isn't that what blogs are for? My boys found a robin's nest that fell out of a tree during the storm and I'm still waiting for the folks from the wildlife conservation /bird rehab place to call back to except these poor little babies that are still in the nest. The boys said there were three babies yesterday, but when they went today to see if the mama bird came back, one of the babies was gone. :( Mason looked for it but still couldn't find it. I don't know how the mama would get them and the nest back into the tree anyway. But the "Bird Lady" will hand raise them then help them to get back into the wild when they are old enough.
Hey! The Bird Lady called. We took the little robins to the bird shelter. Now everyone is happy.........Sort of. I went to Red Rocks Bar & Grill to fill out an application for day bartender. I have to wait until tomorrow to hear from the hiring manager. We'll see what happens. I really don't want to have to go back into the bar business since I seperated from the kids' father because he still drinks too much. That kinda shows that mom has double standards. Not a good thing.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Day One
I'm learning..... slowly........how to do this so bear with me until I figure this out! More pictures to come soon. I still have to figure out my digital camera.....And get some slides put on disk.
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