How is it that every single one of your kids, no matter how many you have, always seem to come from completely different corners of the universe? Exactly how many corners can there be? I'd swear my youngest is some secret seed from some far flung alien planet.
The all have strong personalities, but Mason can be a monster (of the alien variety) at times. He's also the one I have the most difficulty with figuring out how to discipline. Nothing seems to work. And spankings? He'll laugh in your face. And taking away his favorite things is impossible because his favorite things aren't "things." Positive reinforcement will sometimes work depending on his mood. Maybe velcroing him to the wall until I figure something out will give me some extra time to figure this puzzle out. Where's the Mensa Club when I need it?

I can't believe there are even more people asking for help buying school things! Well, actually I can........It's hard for single moms with several kids to cover those ever growing supply lists every August.
Tomorrow I am to meet with "Nathen", a 12th grader, to give him and his brothers the supplies I bought for them.......And they live in Columbus!....An hour and a half away! He says his mother is handicapped and they don't have a dad or anyone else that can help them. That's so sad....What will they do next year? And the year after that? Will Nathen have to get a job to support everyone? How could he possibly do that with just a high school education? Hopefully they get some government assistance of some sort. But if one of the boys gets a job the asistance will end. Just one more example of the government trying to keep the people totally dependent on it. What a shame.
Those that try to dig out of poverty by earning a meager living get punished by having all their benefits removed even when receiving only minimum wages. The government has always stated that one of their biggest goals is to end poverty. The only way to end poverty would be to raise the minimum wage above the current poverty level.....And that will NEVER happen.

Long time no type!

Yay! Mom finally came home. I'm glad she's well and safe. But she did need to get away for awhile. And she's really worried about Karen and Mamaw. Especially since Mamaw is showing distinct signs of progressed Alzheimer's. It's hard to think of her as getting old. She's always been so full of life.
I can't do as much blogging now that mom's home since the computer is in her room. But it won't be long before we'll have a house of our own.....And a couple of computers to use. Ours just need to be fixed. Guess I shouldn't be spending that much time on a computer anyway since I need to be working.....painting murals and working on the book manuscript for illustration. A few murals in some key spots should be all the advertising I really need....SHOULD be!
I checked the Freecycle posts in my email today and am just blown away at the number of people desperate for school supplies and school clothes. I know supplies cost a lot of money because I have to buy them for four of my kids. But I also already bought them for three different Freecycle families. That's school supplies for eleven kids total.......And today there are more families pleading for help. I wish I could buy for all of them but I can't. At least not unless, by some miracle, I get asked to paint a mural AND get prepaid for it today! It's sad that so many people have to resort to that but I'm also thankful that www.Freecycle.org exists. Because if it didn't there would be many people doing without this school year.
Speaking of Freecycle, one member, Vashekia (yeah, I know- Very different), asked for disposable diapers and wipees for her new baby since she is a single, unemployed mother. She doesn't care if the packages were aleady opened or not. She's just desperate for help. I have a few things we can give her but not any clothing because we already gave away anything Anton grew out of. I hope she got more responses than just mine. And I hope other people help those in need of school supplies. After all, there are 5,434 Freecycle members listed in the Charlotte metropolitan area. They can't all be heartless.
Oh yeah, I lost 7 pounds as of today. Hello?!!!! Happy dance!.........

Pasta is a BIG NO-NO on this diet.....especially with meat sauce! And that's just exactly what I had for dinner. Not a whole lot of it mind you, but enough. I feel just a twinge of guilt. But one "bad" meal won't hurt. Besides, it will keep me from binging when I can't stand another day without carbs (the baaaaaaaaad kind!). But I'm actually doing quite well......I've lost 5 pounds since Tuesday...Not too bad. I think that's the most progress I've made on any "diet" in the last 8 years. I may just be able to buy a new wardrobe for Easter!

The diet hasn't been that bad. I haven't even done the exercise part of it and I've already lost 3 pounds. Not too bad. My cravings have been tolerable. I think I have more cravings when I'm NOT paying attention to what I'm eating. Twice I've had a banana with crunchy peanut butter and that seems to have satisfied my need for something sweet. Oh, and the red grapefruits work for that too.
This morning I had egg whites scrambled with sauted zuchini and mushrooms and some steamed greenbeans. Before I was halfway finished I was getting full but the program says to EAT so that's what I'm doing. In fact, it seems like that's all I do is eat yet I've lost weight. I can deal with that.
My exercise band "anchors" that were left out of the shipment came yesterday but I have yet to try them out. I don't really have a place in this house to do that. Especially since it has to be "anchored" in the doorframe of a closed door. That would mean me exercising in the tiny hallway since I don't officially have a room per say. The formal livingroom has no doors, just curtains in the arches. But we're moving in a few weeks and the kids will be in school during the day so I'll be able to hit it hard then.
I had intentions of going for a walk this morning but woke to rain. DARN! I don't see a treadmill in my immediate future so I'll just have to get over the weather.
NEWS FLASH!!...... Right now my daughter's being a demanding, bossy witch with a capital "B!" Her son woke up from his millisecond nap (while she was locked in her room with the stereo blasting) and it must be everybody else's fault. "WHO'S HERE?!" ..." "WELL, I NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE I'M STILL IN MY NIGHT CLOTHES!"......"WHY DID THEY WAKE HIM UP?!"....."They" being anyone else in the house sucking up the oxygen....And her brothers exist, therefore she hates them and they are spawns from hell sent to torture her for all eternity. And those "spawns from hell" just happen to have a few "spawn" friends over, therefore the entire world is conspiring against her. Must be sad to live in her world......But then I wouldn't really know because I'm only invited in when she needs (ie. demands) something. And only until the need has been filled. After that it's "Ok. you can leave now. Thank you. Bye bye......."
Either that or she's shreiking at me because I didn't anticipate her needs and fill them before she HAD TO ASK! And God forbid I go somewhere and not take her.......Or at the very least ask if she'd like to go. She's happy I have a cell phone because now she can keep track of me. And if I don't come running when she notifies me of some "cool" movie /commercial / show coming on, she's totally insulted.
It was actually pleasant around here when she was still in Florida. But she did call every single night and expect me to have hour long conversations with her. What am I supposed to talk about for an hour every day! After a while ya kinda run out of things to say. At least I do. "No, nothing new happened today." "Nope, not today either. Same ole, same ole....Get up, breathe, eat, worry about where the money's gonna come from, breathe and eat a little more, feed the kids, clean, do laundry, breathe again, talk on the phone to you, listen to you sigh for an hour because you can't be here dictating my day, read stories to your brothers, sigh to myself, go to bed. Next day, wake up do it all over again. " Nothing new to get excited about each and every night. She got perturbed if I couldn't get excited about listening to her sigh and complain every single night. Hey, it was her choice to stay there. She knew I planned to take the boys and come to Charlotte. She was quite adament about staying near her friends and boyfriend so she did. I didn't force her. I insisted that she come with us but she refused. Her choice. So we were all punished for it. Including her boyfriend.
I think maybe he suffered the most.....what with the daily vomiting of obscenities and spewing of fire from her furnace of eternal hatred. I have no clue where all of that comes from. She has never ever had to experience that kind of thing in our home. Any kind of abuse was inflicted by her, not upon her. And, yes, she's been to many psychologists and psychiatrists. "It's just anxiety." Whose? Her's or mine? Yeah, she is obsessively jealous of me but exactly why I have never figured out. When she was three years old she started yelling "I hate you!" out of nowhere......several times a day. It didn't really stop until she was 16. There's always been this "love/hate" thing from her. "I hate you! Don't leave me!"
I know in my heart that when she was about two and a half, the babysitter's husband had to have molested her. I couldn't prove it...or at least I didn't believe I could at the time...But I KNOW he did it. She came home that last day with red handprint that covered half her back. "Oh, one of the other kids must have done when they were playing........." I don't think so. "He finally admitted to hitting her because she "sassed him." That handprint was visible for 2 days. He had to have hit her hard enough to knock her across the room. I wanted to beat his head in with a baseball bat! I know I should have gone to the police right then and there....But I didn't. I don't know why I didn't.....Maybe it was shock, or fear that the investigators wouldn't do anything anyway. Or they would question why I hadn't had the sitters investigated before I allowed my child over there.
I worked a night shift and 20 years ago it was almost impossible to find night sitters. They were usually only found through word of mouth. And I didn't know where I was gonna find another on short notice. No, she never went to that particular sitter ever again but the next sitter was from hell too. There must be some huge hellfire babysitters club somewhere I'm not aware of because we happened upon many such lifetime hell club members. That was the biggest reason I decided to be a stay-at-home mom when I finally married and gave birth to my first son. I couldn't stand the idea of having to put any child through that again, especially my daughter. It's also the reason why I want to work from home now so I can make sure my grandbaby doesn't have to make daily visits to sitter hell.

Ok, so I started the 6 Week Body Makeover diet yesterday morning and had fresh flounder and asparagus for 3 meals plus grapefruit for snacks. Boring, yes, but somehow satisfying. This morning it was 3 eggwhites with spinach and mushrooms. Not too bad. No salt, just pepper. And NO CHEESE! Man, I miss pizza! I long to hear "Mangia! Mangia!" So say the nice and plump (and happy!) Italian women. I'm at least part Sicilian. Dad was half Sicilian. My Italian parts are "butt and thighs."
The flounder was better than I thought and I didn't crumble under pressure to eat the good stuff. Although the seasoning I used gave me some really rank breath....So says my daughter. Maybe it was the "fat burning" that gave me rank breath! Maybe............But I'd take a little dragon breath over the extra weight any day. At least for a while.
I'm still waiting on the "body band anchor" to arrive in the mail. I can't use the exercise stuff without it. I could go walking instead. I should go walking. But it's sooo hot outside! A treadmill would be nice. If we get the apartment that I want there will be a gym I can use while the kids are in school. That will be really cool. But then it will only work if I use it.
What I'd like to do is apply at the kid's school as an assistant. Part-time anyway. I may not bother until I find out how the mural business is going to take off. Fast I hope. I'll have a business ad in a local mag in September. If that doesn't drum up enough business, then I'll go ahead and apply at the school as an assistant.
My daughter might not be too happy about that but that's just too bad. She'll be home all by herself with her baby during the day. She'll go to school at night but that "doesn't count." Her biggest concern is that she won't know exactly what I'm doing and where I'm doing it. Whatever "it" is...........I think she'd crawl back up inside if she could.

Mom's still not back.......She said she would be back Sunday night or Monday......Today is Tuesday. Should I be worried? She hates to be tracked down and checked up on. But then it's a really long drive from Memphis to Charlotte....Especially when you're driving alone.
Maybe one of Karen's blood or bone tests came back with some new answers. Or maybe Karen just doesn't want to be alone again. I'm sure she's worried about the fact that the house has to be sold and she has no money because she can't work. And last year she was way too close to death. Then suddenly she woke up and felt a lot better, out of nowhere. Well not exactly. She gave up trying and told God "I surrender. I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired. Take me now because now I'm ready." She laid down in her bed that night fully prepared to leave this world but woke up the next morning totally refreshed. She had energy to spare. She still looks worse than anorexic but she actually feels ok.
Her daughter being queen of the bridezillas certainly didn't help any. I'm ashamed to say that's my cousin. She was sooo hateful to her mother. Just downright cruel actually. She actually was waiting for her to die so she could have the wedding without her. Too bad. Mom got to be there anyway. Karen wasn't "allowed" to be in the bridal dressing room though. Brandie gave her mom a "job" to busy her so she wouldn't be in the dressing room. The new mother-in-law to be was supposed to be in there with her. The mother Brandie "always dreamed of." Whatever. She now had the "family she always wanted" and the rest of us were "never to contact her again." After the wedding was over anyway. She wanted everybody to show up for the wedding so everyone would know "how loved she was." Needless to say, I didn't even bother going.....and didn't send a card or gift either. "Loved" my butt!
The girl had four, count 'em, FOUR bridal showers! She's 34 and already has everything she could possibly need for a home since she already owns one of those too. The lovely couple will be living in HER house with HER things. The in-laws are wealthy and quite well known in the community but the new husband doesn't like to work much. They already arranged who will be wearing the pants before they even said "I do."
New hubby and brother-in-law own an investment firm but the brother-in-law does most of the work. Brandie works all the time because she enjoys it. Maybe she enjoys a man lying on her couch all day doing nothing. I wouldn't know. Not sure if I really even want to know. Guess it's easier for her to keep control that way. But when the cat's away the mice will play. But she has a new mommy to run and cry to when that happens............And it will.

Monday and guess who's here.......Markel, the unofficially adopted neighborhood boy! Mason's being a real punk right now to everyone because now no one is playing with him."He who does not play with Mason shall be miserable." Why are some kids that way? I'm glad I only got one of that kind. They all act like they are totally neglected and never received anything halfway decent their entire lives......I think they each harbor this secret desire to drown the others. "The others" being anyone or anything Mom pays attention to, including the cats......and this computer now that I think of it. But for this very moment "computer" and I are having a little parent/electronic device personal time. So for now we'll just pretend "computer" is an only child. We'll play scanning games, maybe a little "find the file" because he likes to stash them in cyber eternity where he knows mommy will never find them! Ok....maybe it's mommy who really wants to drown them.......Maybe later.
I did get a little "free time" today if you want to call any moment away from this zoo "free." Does the dentist count? Getting my wisdom teeth worked on isn't exactly relaxing....But I was lying down....with my eyes closed. Not out of fear but because you can't see anything from that vantage point anyway except four hands, a drill and a "slobber slurper." Having my jaws pryed open wide enough to insert a whole watermelon and held in that position with plastic "bite props" was seriously painful....still is. Maybe they do that so you'll be distracted from the drill in your mouth. Or from the 20 fingers, and a multitude of cottonballs and electrical appliances vicariously close to my "gagger." And I have a really strong gag reflex. The urge to swallow was totally unbearable and very difficult to stifle. Ok, so maybe that wasn't "free" time......Somebody tell my daughter (who watched all of the boys during mommy's "playtime") that. But HER playdate with the "gag master" is Friday so "Ha Ha."

Another Sunday and nothing big happenin'. Markel stayed last night AGAIN. So did Cameron. They were good but spent the last 24 hours playing with each other instead of Ian and Liam. Apparently they don't get to play video games much at their houses 'cause that's all they did here. They went back and forth from the PS2 to the XBox to the Gamecube. My kids play that stuff everyday so that was the last thing they wanted to do when their friends got here.
I finally told Markel it was time to go home. I think he was a little heartbroken but 4 nights and 5 days was long enough. You'd think his mother would miss him and say "No" to his requests to spend the night yet again. But that didn't happen. I have no idea what home life is like for Markel to make him not want to go home for five days straight. I do know his mom has an 8 month old baby, but then we have a 5 month old in our house. That can't be it.
He and his younger sister (Markel is 8) roam the neighborhood until dark just about every day. He's realy no trouble at all..........But he's NOT MINE! He reminds me of a lost puppy where you know he belongs to somebody but he just keeps finding his way back to your house to play.
And he's soooo tiny. Mason was his size at 5 years old! The boys' friend, Sebastian, is not much bigger than Markel and he's 8 too. Ian just turned 10 and he's already as tall as I am (not that I'm tall or anything). I bet he'll be 5'6" by Christmas. I'm glad it's too hot to wear jeans because I'm positive he wouldn't be able to wear a single pair he owns now. Liam is a different story. He's all bone and not a whole lot else. Mason's built like the Incredible Hulk (Thus the nickname MOOSE). Liam and Mason wear the same size clothes with the exception of inseam size. What am I gonna do when they're 13, 14 and 15?! They'll be going through clothes and shoes like toilet paper! Food too, but GEEZE!.......................But boys are STILL easier than girls!

Ahhh, Saturday....Nothing to do yet way too much to do. One of the neighbor boys spent the night for the third night in a row. He's a good kid.....Quiet, respectful, kind, doesn't eat much. In other words, not your typical prepubescent boy. Maybe he's different at his own house. But as long as he's well behaved while he's here, everything works out just fine. Another buddy is on the way over right now.
But everybody will be upset when Memom comes home 'cause then NO ONE comes over! I'm not saying she's mean. Her nerves just can't handle the commotion ........ and with my kids there will always be commotion. Add a few extra kids to the mix and "Viola!," instant zoo! At least the boys had three weeks of friends. And school starts in a few weeks so they won't be bored for long.
Their dad should be coming to get them tonight sometime...maybe. If he doesn't find something "more fun & interesting" to do. His loss. He had 5 months alone to find "fun & interesting" things to do. Guess the novelty of being able to see his boys again has already worn off. So, back to the way things were before. We'll see.

I already had to look for multiple things this morning. My brother, who has OCD, comes over and rearranges everything.....Like the refrigerator, the pantry, the livingroom and whatever else he sees that he thinks needs to be rearranged or straightened. Things are rarely ever where I left them so I have to search for them.
Oh, by the way, this is not my house. It is my mothers so he feels free to come and go as he pleases. Sleep here, do laundry, raid her liquor cabinet, make long distant calls, eat whatever is here that I've made for the kids. Mom lets him because he takes care of the yard for her. I can't tell him to leave.......He's 38 years old. Time to get a life.
He's so much like our dad it's scary. He looks like him, acts like him, thinks like him. Dad never grew up either. He didn't realize that until right before he died of a massive heart attack at 52. It's sad that he missed out on being a father. Oh, he was a daddy, but just not a father. He only wanted the fun part. Actually, he only wanted the fun part of being a mom and not a dad.
He was transgendered. He had gender disphoria. And never did anything positive about it. He did everything he could to hide it from everyone, including himself. The alcohol and drugs just made it harder. I didn't even know about any of it until my sister told me over the phone while I was away at college. That was a real shock. My sister was living with him at the time and found that he kept taking her underclothes and was blaming it on his on-again-off-again girlfriend. But more on that later......My son is badgering me to let him have a turn on this machine.

Hey!!!!!!!! The Six Week Body Makover program didn't come with the "anchor" for the exercise band! Guess that means I can still eat pizza until it comes in the mail! Nah! But I do have to go to the store to get all the fish and "greens" I'm supposed to eat for the next 6 weeks. I may just turn into a green fish by the end of this thing. Fish for breakfast. Fish for morning snack. Fish for lunch. Fish for snack. Fish for dinner. Fish for evening snack. FISH FISH FISH!......It's a good thing I like fish.
I still wonder when mom is coming home. She went to Tennessee for a wedding July 19th and hasn't been back yet. I don't think she wants to come back. Too many animals, I mean kids, in this house. But her cats miss her terribly. I'm sure she wonders if this house will be in one piece when she does come home. Maybe it will; maybe it won't. But I do know how to use power tools.
At least it's not like when the 80 ft. oak tree hit our house in Florida and made an entire room disappear in an instant. That was bizarre. Lightning was striking all around the house and knocked down the top third of two trees in the front yard, crushing the kids swingset. I saw it happen through the diningroom picture window and told all the kids, "Hey, the swingset's gone." Sort of in a nonchalant way since such events are not new to us. They all come running out of the den and into the diningroom and as soon as the last foot hit the front room carpet...."BOOOOM!" A huge tree in our house where the den used to be a split second before. The odd thing was that it came right down on top of the computer chair where my daughter was sitting just that second before. Crushed it. It would have killed her instantly. Angels were busy that day! We all just stood there in shock with our mouths open just as big as the new hole in our house. It was like we were in The Wizard of Oz and we were watching the wind blow everything right by us. Scary. But alas, no munchkins and no yellow brick road spread out before us. And where was Glenda when we needed her?!

Things are quite tense around here, as usual. Everybody seems to have woken up in a bad mood. When do they not?
But at least I'm going to get some cool tissue paper samples from MAC Papers. I wish I could get samples of every color (all 64 of them!) but I can only get 8-10 pieces.....Or I can buy a case of 1,024 sheets. Do I need that much craft tissue? If it were "butt" tissue I'd say yes, but craft tissue? If I play my cards right and get on the ball with these collages then I might actually be able to use 1,024 sheets of tissue. One book at a time....One book at a time.
Getting the text in order and in type will take no time at all. It's the research and deciding which digraphs and blends to use where. It could make or break this manuscript.......After all, it is for those learning the English language, spoken and written. It has to appeal to children as well as their caregivers in every sense. It must, first of all, make sense. Then it must be visually and orally appealing. It has to flow correctly.....No subjects or text in the "gutter." Nothing confusing. And what title to use? "Amazing Animal Alphabet?" Time for a title search.
I need to deal with mom's manuscripts too. The grammer really needs some tweaking. And a couple of things need to be more developed, but they will work. I think both could use graphite illustrations. Nothing highly stylized. Maybe even some pen & Ink and watercolor. But first things first.

YEEAAAAA!! The 6 Week Body Makeover program came! YYYEEEAAAA!!! ........Doing a happy dance right now (Does that count as cardio?)! Ok, so now I have to get really serious.......really.........Right now............Ok, later. But, Yeaaa!
Also a "yeehah," Ian's psychiatrist appointment is today. He gets his meds refilled today, that's all. Ian won't be seeing the psycho-therapist until August 22nd. He'll be fine as long as he is mentally occupied for most of the time. He's extremely intelligent but has some really wide emotional swings and serious anxiety issues. And no, he's not bi-polar. We went through that whole thing over a 6 month period when Ian was in a drug trial program. The reason I chose a drug trial program is because they monitored him weekly as opposed to monthly. If there was a problem it was handled immediately so that med levels could be adjusted accordingly. The medical staff was extremely helpful, knowledgeable and patient; something you don't always find in your basic child psychologist.
Ian's friend, Eli, is here right now. They're like two peas in a pod. It's funny that Ian was the one I worried most about adjusting in public school and finding friends. He seems to find friends everywhere and anywhere.
He struggles with understanding God's motives in regard to his abilities. He seems to be the only child in the immediate family that has difficulty drawing. But then "drawing" has connections with "focus" and mental "clarity." Ian's poor brain is always running on all 6 cylinders. But he sleeps like the dead.....when he does sleep. Now......to get that grandbaby to sleep all night!

Not much to offer today.....yet. The younger boys are back in the creek looking for fish. Ian is still asleep. I really don't want to hear "I need to be able to draw by fifth grade! Why can't I draw?! Show me how to draw!!" for the next twelve hours. But he needs to get up anyway. "Drawing" is Ian's new obsession. Well, not too new. But still it's sometimes an all day every day thing that drives everybody nuts, especially Ian. His psychologist really wants to help but it's difficult for him to totally relate to what's going on at home because he only spends about 3 hours a month with Ian in different sessions. I try to explain "daily homelife" but it's still Greek if you don't live in the middle of it. Coping skills only work for him when the frenzy dies down; not when it's building. Do we try anxiety meds? Ian's already taking Abilify and Clonidine. I hate to add more but we didn't even get those meds until he was 8 years old. He's tried every so called ADHD med on the market and the only one that helps him to focus is Abilify ........ at $359 a month! He's a very good kid but when he's on a down slide we're all miserable.