The diet hasn't been that bad. I haven't even done the exercise part of it and I've already lost 3 pounds. Not too bad. My cravings have been tolerable. I think I have more cravings when I'm NOT paying attention to what I'm eating. Twice I've had a banana with crunchy peanut butter and that seems to have satisfied my need for something sweet. Oh, and the red grapefruits work for that too.
This morning I had egg whites scrambled with sauted zuchini and mushrooms and some steamed greenbeans. Before I was halfway finished I was getting full but the program says to EAT so that's what I'm doing. In fact, it seems like that's all I do is eat yet I've lost weight. I can deal with that.
My exercise band "anchors" that were left out of the shipment came yesterday but I have yet to try them out. I don't really have a place in this house to do that. Especially since it has to be "anchored" in the doorframe of a closed door. That would mean me exercising in the tiny hallway since I don't officially have a room per say. The formal livingroom has no doors, just curtains in the arches. But we're moving in a few weeks and the kids will be in school during the day so I'll be able to hit it hard then.
I had intentions of going for a walk this morning but woke to rain. DARN! I don't see a treadmill in my immediate future so I'll just have to get over the weather.
NEWS FLASH!!...... Right now my daughter's being a demanding, bossy witch with a capital "B!" Her son woke up from his millisecond nap (while she was locked in her room with the stereo blasting) and it must be everybody else's fault. "WHO'S HERE?!" ..." "WELL, I NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE I'M STILL IN MY NIGHT CLOTHES!"......"WHY DID THEY WAKE HIM UP?!"....."They" being anyone else in the house sucking up the oxygen....And her brothers exist, therefore she hates them and they are spawns from hell sent to torture her for all eternity. And those "spawns from hell" just happen to have a few "spawn" friends over, therefore the entire world is conspiring against her. Must be sad to live in her world......But then I wouldn't really know because I'm only invited in when she needs (ie. demands) something. And only until the need has been filled. After that it's "Ok. you can leave now. Thank you. Bye bye......."
Either that or she's shreiking at me because I didn't anticipate her needs and fill them before she HAD TO ASK! And God forbid I go somewhere and not take her.......Or at the very least ask if she'd like to go. She's happy I have a cell phone because now she can keep track of me. And if I don't come running when she notifies me of some "cool" movie /commercial / show coming on, she's totally insulted.
It was actually pleasant around here when she was still in Florida. But she did call every single night and expect me to have hour long conversations with her. What am I supposed to talk about for an hour every day! After a while ya kinda run out of things to say. At least I do. "No, nothing new happened today." "Nope, not today either. Same ole, same ole....Get up, breathe, eat, worry about where the money's gonna come from, breathe and eat a little more, feed the kids, clean, do laundry, breathe again, talk on the phone to you, listen to you sigh for an hour because you can't be here dictating my day, read stories to your brothers, sigh to myself, go to bed. Next day, wake up do it all over again. " Nothing new to get excited about each and every night. She got perturbed if I couldn't get excited about listening to her sigh and complain every single night. Hey, it was her choice to stay there. She knew I planned to take the boys and come to Charlotte. She was quite adament about staying near her friends and boyfriend so she did. I didn't force her. I insisted that she come with us but she refused. Her choice. So we were all punished for it. Including her boyfriend.
I think maybe he suffered the most.....what with the daily vomiting of obscenities and spewing of fire from her furnace of eternal hatred. I have no clue where all of that comes from. She has never ever had to experience that kind of thing in our home. Any kind of abuse was inflicted by her, not upon her. And, yes, she's been to many psychologists and psychiatrists. "It's just anxiety." Whose? Her's or mine? Yeah, she is obsessively jealous of me but exactly why I have never figured out. When she was three years old she started yelling "I hate you!" out of nowhere......several times a day. It didn't really stop until she was 16. There's always been this "love/hate" thing from her. "I hate you! Don't leave me!"
I know in my heart that when she was about two and a half, the babysitter's husband had to have molested her. I couldn't prove it...or at least I didn't believe I could at the time...But I KNOW he did it. She came home that last day with red handprint that covered half her back. "Oh, one of the other kids must have done when they were playing........." I don't think so. "He finally admitted to hitting her because she "sassed him." That handprint was visible for 2 days. He had to have hit her hard enough to knock her across the room. I wanted to beat his head in with a baseball bat! I know I should have gone to the police right then and there....But I didn't. I don't know why I didn't.....Maybe it was shock, or fear that the investigators wouldn't do anything anyway. Or they would question why I hadn't had the sitters investigated before I allowed my child over there.
I worked a night shift and 20 years ago it was almost impossible to find night sitters. They were usually only found through word of mouth. And I didn't know where I was gonna find another on short notice. No, she never went to that particular sitter ever again but the next sitter was from hell too. There must be some huge hellfire babysitters club somewhere I'm not aware of because we happened upon many such lifetime hell club members. That was the biggest reason I decided to be a stay-at-home mom when I finally married and gave birth to my first son. I couldn't stand the idea of having to put any child through that again, especially my daughter. It's also the reason why I want to work from home now so I can make sure my grandbaby doesn't have to make daily visits to sitter hell.